QUESTION: Dear Ashley,
I wanted to contact you because I need to discuss my "problem" in private with a woman who's both a Christian and a mother. You see, I'm a 16 year old girl and I live with strict religious parents who don't really talk about sexuality. I recently discovered masturbation and have mixed feelings about it: on the one hand, it gives me so much pleasure, helps me get to sleep, and relieves stress. On the other, I often feel guilty and insecure about touching myself because of my upbringing. I do it at night before I go to sleep, always grinding the sheets on my tummy and trying my best to stay quiet (though I can't help "grunting" a little when I orgasm). I'd like to touch myself as often as possible, but limit it to twice a week as a form of "abstinence". My desires are sometimes so strong that I feel as if my body needs it every night! And there are no girls that I can discuss this issue with because I'm meant to be a "good girl" and it would make me look ridiculous and dirty. I've even considered stopping masturbation altogether, but that would be almost impossible for me with my current physical needs. I'm also a little worried by the way I masturbate (on my tummy) - is this normal? It just feels warm and cosy this way, and I can't achieve an orgasm on my back. Did your daughter (or you yourself) have similar thoughts? There are so many other questions and concerns in my mind, but I'll stop writing for now! Hope you can give me some advice :) And thanks for your time :)
ANSWER: Hi Elaine!
Well first things first, you should know I'm not terribly religious, although I do understand what it's like to be raised in a religious household, I was too.
I believe masturbation is as healthy as eating right and brushing your teeth. Some parents interpret certain parts of the bible in a way that will be supportive of them coming down hard on their kids masturbating, but there are no verses in the Bible that specifically speak against masturbation (that I know of). That being said, you'll find as you grow older the bibleis always interpreted differently by different people, and usually it's interpreted in a way that suits that particular person's views. For example, your parents interpret the Bible to say masturbation is wrong because they don't want to think of their little girl as growing up and being sexual, or having sex one day.
It will, in no way, harm you. In fact it will allow you to figure out what you like best, which will be valuable in any future relationships as you guide your lover to please you. It will also help you avoid sexual intercourse before you're ready.
My daughter and I have an open relationship with masturbation, I helped her learn how and want her to feel free to do it whenever she would like.
She does sometimes do it on her tummy, just like you! There's nothing at all wrong with that. It's pretty cute how she'll be laying on her tummy watching tv with me and then I'll notice her little butt moving up and down just a little and I'll know her hand is in her panties and she's feeling good :)
The only thing you have to ask yourself is: "am I hurting myself or someone else?" If the answer is no, enjoy :)
You're always welcome to chat with me on yahoo at email@example.com
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QUESTION: Hi Ashley!
Thanks so much for replying to my message! I've thought about what you wrote and already feel less guilty about masturbating, though I think that liberating yourself is a slow process. Did you or your siblings have similar difficulties too while growing up? I've made up my mind to go on masturbating regularly, but I'm not as lucky as your daughter and have to do it secretly under the covers at night - sigh :( I can't wait till I live on my own and can touch myself in complete freedom whenever I want. But it would be nice to be able to do it "in the open" in my parents' house without feeling like it's something wrong... It's cute to hear that your daughter is a tummy masturbator too! Is she about the same age as me (16) or an earlier bloomer? I wish my uptight mother was as open as you. How did you manage to approach her about masturbation? Maybe I could use thevsame method with my parents - but it's unlikely! I also have a concern that I might be masturbating too much - I do it daily, but it's like my body needs the nightly orgasm just like it needs food. Do other girls/women you know indulge in it as often as I do? Thanks again for reading Ashley, you're my savior :)
PS. I also sent you this message by email but wasn't sure whether you'd receive it - sorry for sending it twice!
My lovely Elaine! What a pretty name by the way!
I did get your email, but I'll answer you here for now in case it would help someone else.
My siblings (sisters) and I had strict Christian parents, but we actually masturbated together in private. My older sister taught me, and I taught my 'lil sis. We had to be careful but it was worth it, although we were so close to being caught so many times! It was wonderful though, to know I wasn't alone in being horny, and to experience it with my sisters. Family or not, it was a turn on to watch someone else masturbate while I did it too, lol.
I'm glad you've decided to masturbate regularly but you're very right about the fact that it takes time to liberate yourself. It will take months, if not years, before you never feel guilty during or after making yourself have a delicious, wet orgasm.
Do you get wet now when you masturbate? I'm always curious about that as it is a partial indicator of how much pleasure you feel and how mature your body is.
As far as my daughter, she's actually 12. All the girls in my family were early bloomers and she's no different hehe. She's been touching down there since she was about 9, but really started actually masturbating when she was 11.
And yes, she's very cute when she touches herself!
I'm afraid if your parents have made it clear they believe masturbation is wrong, there isn't usually a best method to address it with them. The "dark side" of religion is that it teaches that you are right and everyone else is an infidel, so whatever way someone chooses to interpret the bible is the way they believe everyone else should live their lives, and they believe they have divine support for their views, and divine punishment for going against them. Perhaps your parents aren't that way, but to be safe I wouldn't try to battle them with this, they may end up taking away all of your privacy in the end.
Elaine let me tell you something about masturbating too much. Two days ago on Sunday my daughter spent most of the day laying around in sweatpants with me watching movies and for a good portion of the day her hand was inside of those sweat pants ;) She came at least 5 times. I didn't think anything of it because that's what my sisters and I did when we were home alone for a whole day. As long as you aren't hurting yourself (rubbing your little clitty raw or fingering until you're sore) there really is no such thing as too much. Even now I still masturbate at least twice a day. When I was your age I was wet when I wasn't home and I was using that wetness when I was ;)
Enjoy yourself, Elaine!!
Hope to hear from you again soon. As always you are welcome to chat more with me on yahoo :)