You are here:

Female Masturbation/length of time needed to orgasm


Question
I'm fifteen years old and have been masturbating since I was 9. Most of the time, I can kinda control how long it takes me to achieve orgasm. I like to take as long as I can, do it slowly, and slowly build with intensity, and I will take an hour or more sometimes to climax. But I can also do this in just ten minutes if I don't have a lot of time, but do want to get there.

So it seems like many times, what I am doing, and how I am masturbating, and just the thoughts of how quickly or slowly I want to get there, can dictate how my body responds. It sure seems to work, although I do not understand this process.

But there have been times, occasionally, like last night where it wasn't this simple. I wanted to take a long time to get there, like one hour, but after an hour, I wasn't getting even close to climaxing, and so it was like 3 hours actually. It took me three hours to get to where I wanted to be after maybe an hour or an hour and a half. SO, after this hour and a  half, I start getting frustrated, I start masturbating very intensely and aggressively, because I am tired, and just want to be finished, but no matter how aggressive I'd get, I wasn't getting there.

Then there are other days, where maybe I want to take an hour to get there, but somehow, regardless of how hard I try to regulate things, I reach orgasm after five, ten, or fifteen minutes. Of course, I can always try to reach a second orgasm if I want to, I don't seem to have what other people have... is it called refractory period?? At least I don't usually have one after one orgasm, but maybe after two or three, It will seem like I go through at least a short few hour refractory period.

Anyways, if you can help me understand what is going on, and why I can't always control when I reach orgasm. How come when my mind starts thinking of wanting it, and my actions are aggressively wanting it, my brain doesn't automatically give me what I want? I occasionally, reach it sooner than I'd like, and a little bit more often reach it much later than I'd like which is seriously annoying. Sometimes, I have to stop doing it because I have to do something else, and then stuck feeling frustrated in the end.

Answer
Hi Gina!
Wonderful and detailed question!
No one can tell you why our bodies don't always respond the way we want them to, when we want them to. We just don't understand enough about the human body and brain to just give you one clear-cut answer and tell you how to always make yourself orgasm exactly when you want to.
The mind is a mysterious and complicated thing. It gets distracted, it's stubborn, it has moods, varying levels of hormones from one moment to the next, ect...
Every time you masturbate, there are probably 100 different variables factoring into things like if you will orgasm, how intense it will be, and how easily you can control it.
The best advice I can give you is continue to practice and experiment with yourself. The more you learn about yourself the less frequently you'll struggle to control you orgasm. It's a long path of learning and self discovery and it's never really over.
Love,
Ashley

Female Masturbation

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Ashley Morgan

Expertise

I will do my best to answer your questions about female masturbation, including what healthy masturbation is or how it can become unhealthy, when you should consider masturbating with others and when that may cross the line to sex, and how to handle masturbation in your family whether it's your parents, siblings or children

Experience

I am a Master's Student in Developmental Psychology and have focused most of my classes and research on healthy sexual development. I have helped younger siblings, friends, cousins and now my pre-teen daughter embrace masturbation and safe sexuality in a healthy and vibrant way.

Organizations
Church organizations, a counseling/soup kitchen volunteer organization and several teen puberty forums where I hope to offer advice

Publications
Class-specific college writing on Developmental and Sexual health

Education/Credentials
B.A. in Psychology at an Indiana University. One year of Masters classes.

Awards and Honors
Dean's list, 8 semesters.

Past/Present Clients
Family (siblings and my daughter), friends, cousins, and those I've met online

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.