I can answer the following questions about fetishism:
How to talk to your partner about your kinky fantasies
How to set up a "play date" for you and your partner so you can act out your fantasies.
How to practice your fantasies and fetishes solo.
The different organizations, clubs, or resources one want to contact
Crossdressers
How to approach your lover about your crossdressing fetish
How to play with your lover is s/he is a crossdresser
Different ways to can continue to make this fetish work for you
Other kinky specialities:
Animal Transformation
Foot Fetish
Role-Play
BDSM
Object fetish
"Unique" or "Uncommon" Fetishes:
Fantasies that involve supernatural creatures, celebrities, etc
Fantasies that may involve body growth, shrinkage, weight gain, etc.
Fantasies that include elaborate scenarios, scripted role-play, etc.
A combination of one or more fetishes
Edgeplay
Bloodplay
Watersports
Coprophilia/coprophagia
Roman Showers
Intense, consensual role-play with taboo or controversial themes (Rape-fantasy, animal-play, etc)
I can't answer the following:
In-depth information about medical play or bondage
If you need further guidance or coaching, then please call my phone line:
(646) 250-4999. Call for a free 10 minute phone consultation. I also offer hour-long coaching sessions for the practicing pervert.
Experience
BIO
Christina Cicchelli is a "Sexventurer" of sorts; she's spent over five years as a sex worker and has experience in a myriad of industries, including phone sex and professional domination. As a Mistress, she has worked in several NYC Dungeons and also visited devoted clients on an independent basis. As a phone sex operator, she maintained a large amount of callers who sought her guidance, creativity, and experience in fetish and role-play.
Christina is best known for her career as a porn actress. Under the non de plume, Simone Valentino, she's performed in a handful of films. She received an AVN nomination for “Best Actress” for her role in Afrodite Superstar and also won “Best New Starlet” at the Feminist Porn Awards in 2008 for her role in Audacia Ray's The Bi Apple.
Christina is a columnist for $pread Magazine and writes about all things fetish in own blog, A Fantastic Nightmare. She is also Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross’s resident Fetish Blogger on their sex-positive website (Dodsonandross.com) and coaches individuals and couples who seeking kinky inspiration in the bedroom.
Publications
A Fantastic Nightmare (Personal Blog)
Dodsonandross.com - Sex positive website and home of sex educators and feminists Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross
$pread Magazine - Printed publication for sex workers written and produced by sex workers
Education/Credentials
Graduate: The College of New Rochelle
Masters: English/Communications
Awards and Honors 2007: "Best New Starlet" - Feminist Porn Awards
2008: "Best New Actress" - AVN Awards
Past/Present Clients Confidential but verifiable references are available
i am 16 years old and have been with my boyfriend for about 4 months now, everything is perfect! except when it comes to his fetishes...
we are so comfortable with each other that we tell each other our fantasies, but nearly every time we have sex he wants to do dirty things such as, anal sex, urinating on me/him , rubbing feces on him , licking his anus/mine, spitting in my mouth
... i don't know wether or not you have watched the video : 2 girls 1 cup, its disgusting, two girls rub feces over them and start eating it... not long ago he admitted it turns him on, not to ruin the mood i did the worst thing you could do...went along with it, i regret it now because he thinks i like that sort of thing and i feel very pressured to do stuff so he is happy, never done anything like that, the spitting isn't bad but... not anything to do with the anus!
what's the best way to break the news gently, or maybe do other stuff that will please both of us?
Charlie
Answer Hey Charlie,
Your concerns are natural and, since you watched 2 girls 1 cup (which I've seen as well), I could understand your initial repulsion to the idea of watersports (a slang term to describe urophilia - fetish for urine) and coprophilia - fetish for feces.
You may not want to tell your boyfriend this... but I'm going to debunk the 2g1c video for you because, frankly, it's probably not the best thing to watch if you're not into this particular fetish.
That film was made by MFX 1209, a Brazilian company that makes a large line of fetish films dedicated to urine, feces, vomit, spit, and sometimes boogers. A few years ago, the filmmaker admitted that many of the films (including 2 girls 1 cup), were indeed staged to look real. Since performing such scenes are illegal in certain parts of the country, he had to fake it for distribution reasons. So, no real puke, no real poo. To simulate such realistic acts normally requires enemas (chocolate or otherwise to look like feces); however, the filmmaker never gave great detail as to how he produced such authentic scenes. If you want to find out more about this, check out the Smoking Gun website, which has the documentation (as told by the filmmaker) posted on the website.
Why do I say this? Because, as your boyfriend has proven to us, sometimes just the look of two people pooping can become a turn-on. Does this mean your boyfriend isn't as into these fetishes as he claims? No - he seems very sexually aroused by these acts, despite their gross-out factor. There's a good chance that you can't change that. But, if you can both meet each other halfway, you can come up with a compromise that may work out for the both of you.
Approach your boyfriend and ask him what exactly turns him on the most about his fetishes? For the urine, is it the smell? Is it the warmth, the reason that it's coming from you? The taste? For feces, what turns him on the most? If it has to do with warmth, texture, and appearance, then you may be able to simulate feces by melting snickers bars and rubbing that on his chest. For urine, you can use warm water for starters.
These techniques are just to help you guys get used to playing with bodily fluids. Call me crazy, but our society has taught us that urine and feces are meant to be dispelled, not touched with, and to not be played with. So, when someone has a fetish for these fluids, it isn't the most welcomed fantasy for someone who isn't already into it.
I can't force you to like his fetishes any more than he can. But, what I would suggest is for both of you to be open to baby steps. Start very, very, very small with little itsy bitsy techniques that can slowly introduce his fantasy without making you want to retch too much. Have you tried anal sex yet? If you're new to this, then stick to anal play - play with the outside of your butthole or have him lick it for you while you masturbate. Then move on to fingers (one at a time, of course) so you can get used to having something inside of your anus. Do this all as foreplay, always masturbating and using a dab of lube (great post about lube 101 here http://sexetcetc.blogspot.com/2009/08/lube-101.html - she also talks about anal play and various fun activities involving the butt). You can graduate to using pleasurable anal toys and eventually, your lover can hopefully give you anal pleasure as well.
As for the bodily fluids, using your imagination and some props (like warm water and warm snickers bars) you can roleplay without actually having to pee or defecate on your boyfriend.
However, if you want to make him happy without feeling completely lost in his fetish, try this lil urine exercise.
For urine, start off in the shower. The two of you can wash up and while doing so, you can pee on his foot or on his hand just so you can get used to it. Also, you're in the shower, so you can wash and rinse up when you're done. Eventually, when you're ready, you can have him lie down and you can pee on his chest in the bathtub.
Playing with feces may seem like the ultimate yucky thing you can do, but there are still some subtle ways you can indulge him. When you're together next time and you have to go number 2, give him the toilet paper that you wiped yourself with. Let him do what he wants with it, whether it includes you or not is your decision. At best, he can place the toilet paper on his chest while he masturbates and you watch. You can talk dirty to him while he does this. Once he's done, he can take a shower.
These are just tips, small ones, that might help whet his satisfaction. However, you should be completely upfront about how you feel. If you're not into this particular fetish, say so. But, don't make him feel ashamed for being into it. If you're willing to compromise, try playing around with these techniques at least once a week. And make sure to involve him in acting out your fantasies as well. You're 16 so you have plenty of time to just play out these fantasies as it is. If it still freaks you out, then let him know that you may not be the best person to play and, from there, discuss what's the next alternative for your relationship. You can always talk dirty to him, spit in his mouth, and encourage him to watch scat porn on his own time and enjoy it when he's not with you.
