Fetishism/A very strong fetish
Could an experience earlier in life promote a fetish to grow on a person? I am a 23 year old man but when I was 15 I had a sexual encounter that I still cannot forget. I was a virgin at 15, and really wanted to have sex, the idea of being with an older woman in bed seemed very appealing. Thus one day I was at my friends house who was older than me, around 19 and had had a lot of sex. When I told him about my desire's he immediately called an escort who he had seen a couple of times. She was this amazing tall curvy woman, and just the sight of her made me go hard, My friend left us alone in his room and she told me to relax and sit on the couch, while she went to the bathroom. 2 minutes later she came out wearing just a thong and boots and started to give me a lap dance. I felt very nervous and her being taller than me seemed intimidating yet attractive, I was about 5'6" and she was atleast 5'9". She then asked me how I wanted her, and I said while going red that Im not sure, She said okay while you think Ill just sit here, and she turned around back towards me and sat on my lap, she weighed more than me, I told her that she feels heavy and she said baby Im not even putting my full weight on you, I said oh well Im sure I can take it for a while, she said alright lets see how you like this, she slipped her thong off and put my erect penis into her vagina whilst sitting on top of me, It felt great, I could not keep my hands off her big butt which barely fit on me. She then got up and held my erect penis, put lubricant on it and then simply sat on me again but this time she took it up her butt, the pressure was so much that I thought Id pass out, she felt so heavy on top and she just sat there wiggling her butt slowly, I started to get an orgasm in seconds and for some reason told her to get off as I had never felt that way before and did not understand what was happening, she ignored me and sat with all her weight on me leaning back literally squishing me until 2 minutes later I ejaculated and she got up. I could not believe how good that felt, after that day I have been trying to have that same experience but havent been able to. Was it because she was older and rendered me helpless or was it that I have a strong Big butt fetish and liked being squished? and cannot find a tall slim girl with a big butt who would do that to me? Please help as this gets in the way of me going for a relationship.
You do have a fetish and a memory of a strong first time sexual relationship. It is very vivid in your mind and is playing games with you and your ability to develop relationships.
My suggestion is to put it behind you and build a relationship with an attractive woman and let nature take its course.
Two things I would stress here
1. You had unprotected sex with an escort. Dangerous and it could have impact on your long term health, please do be proactive in any future sexual encounters.
2. You experienced your first sex in a way that was controlling and the memory is clear. But it will never happen again the way you remember it.
Be adventurous and also read up on fetishes but don't let them rule your life.
I wish I could be more help but just think about the woman you want, not the wmoman you had.