Hello, and thank you for being willing to answer questions. I'm 29, and due to my mobility impairment, I cannot walk without holding onto things. My other physical capabilities are essentially those of an able-bodied person -- and my disability is not genetic, nor is it degenerative. I am bipolar-II, and I have an unusual learning disability that is very high-functioning.
I am frightened of never being able to tell anyone about my fetishes. I very much fear that people will only see a shadow of me, and that there may be a part of me which will always be very unhappy, because I revere women, and I would never want to frighten a woman or make a woman uncomfortable.
I would appreciate any insights you could give, on how I might get to feel less alien when compared with the apparent desires of others, so that I might come to have more hope about this matter.
I have a lot of violent sexual fantasies. I especially have the fantasy of using violence to protect a woman from some assailant, and a fantasy of a woman using violence to protect me from an assailant. If I had a lover, I would very much like her to role-play threatening me or killing me -- for example, supposing that I was to be punished because I did not please her enough, or put to death because I had been tricked into loving an assassin, or something like that. Many people would look at the idea of playing as human furniture for a woman, praying to her as if she were a deity, kneeling a bowing and using medieval language before her, or jumping on a grenade to protect a woman I don't even know, as extreme. In my case, it is almost as though I would actually look forward to doing that, so that everyone would know that I was faithful and good and brave -- a person of consequence, toughness and integrity.
I have always had an interest in the idea that other people should see me as very powerful and strong, because I have a deep fear of error, imperfection, or weakness. The architecture of how I get self-worth has always been that I need lots of positive reinforcement, because I doubt myself. My fantasies have to do with getting this positive feedback through fanatical, chivalrous devotion to a woman. If I had a relationship with someone then it would make me feel proud and happy if I were seen to be dutiful, if I were seen to be courtly and deferential. When I think about the play called "The Taming of the Shrew," I would have liked the situation in the play to be reversed, so that I would be an altered version of Petruchio, and would be a dutiful husband, devoting himself utterly to whatever his wife would wish. However, that is not to say that I cannot be a pleasingly dominant person from time to time.
Thanks for your time and attention.
Role play is something many people wish to engage in taking fetishes outside the norm to enjoy a specific action for sexual benefits.
How can you therefore find someone or a group of people who enjoy this area and would allow you to join in.
Well there are sites out there, like CollarMe, Alt.com, adultworks where you can discuss your desires without ridicule by others. There are many women who love objectification, or role play in physical action between two or three participants.
Fetishes like you describe are now common but not broadcast into the wide world.So browse the sites and just lurk on the fringe to begin with the gauge what the group is all about then when you feel the need join in.