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Fetishism/Fiance to friend?


To make a really long story short my fiance and I have been together 5 years, have been trying to get married for the last 3 (everything under the sun keeps delaying that) and we wound up having a boy about 18 months ago.
  Randomly a few months after having our son my fiance came out and said he liked transgenders and that he wanted to be a girl, I said ok and we talked about it and I didnt really have a problem with it. Then about a month ago he REALLY got into it. Hes getting hormones and just constantly talkng about it and we have gone as far as to put makeup on several times..
  Im very supportive of him but he has been a straight up guy, he did weight lifting in college so he is pretty built and he fishes on a daily basis..I have never been able to imagine him doing this, I love him to death but I cant stay with him if he changes, nor do I think its really fair to our son.
 Do you have any advise on how I should bring up splitting up with him? I want to stay friends and support him, I know his family will not at all be supportive..but I just cant be with him. And with all this happening so randomly its scaring me a little.

Hi Amber
This is not a rare situation but has foundation in his past.
Let me expand a little on the situation here.
There are several things that you need to think about.
Transexuals can be split into a number of groupings.
Transvestites are men who wish to dress in female attire but maintain their manly demeanour.
Shemales are men who wish to develop themselves with female aspects but keep their manhood.
They may just develop breasts and even undergo castration but still keep their penis.
The transexual is a male who wants to become a complete woman, breasts, vagina the whole works.

If your fiancee wishes to become a full woman then this will cause major conflicts with his family and your son. My advice would be to get him to talk to a gender counsellor. How is he obtaining his hormones, they are not freely available. They must be controlled and their administration needs to be managed by experienced medical personnel.

Tell him the situation is now more about his desires you both have responsibilities.
If he does continue with his quest then you must consider separating and agree to support him but he cannot contact his son. See if he wants to talk and then we can discuss more about both of you.



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Chris Norris


Hello. I am a doctor of psychology and am able to answer questions on fetishes. This covers the following areas 1. Why we are interested them? 2. Why do we need them? 3. Are they all good? 4. Are they all bad? 5. Should we be open with our partners about our fetish? I am not judgemental and will answer any question in a professional and courteous way


I have spent over 20 years in the field of psychology, treating patients in age ranges from mid teens to senior citizens covering many behavioural problems from OCD, ADHD. I have also helped deliver CBT to individuals and groups

I have written for a number of forums and groups based in the UK and Europe.

I have a PhD in Psychology

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