AboutJ. Kyle Howard Expertise We are all multi-dimensional people with various degrees of likes and dislikes. When it comes to finding your purpose, we must take that into account. My intent is to help you to properly and easily define what would bring you the most joy in life, how to live on purpose, and how to live the life you are uniquely qualified to live. I will help you get all that is important to you, be all that you were created to be, and become the uniquely wonderful person living the wonderful life that is meant for you, your purpose in life
Experience I am a PCA (Personal Character Architect). I've been a PCA for over 15 years and have helped thousands achieve their life goals.
Organizations Helping Hands, Frontier Family Services
Publications Executive Excellence Magazine, Tazzinisms, define-your-purpose-in-life.com, Unleash Your Inner Penguin
Education/Credentials MBA providing team building, strategic planning and marketing to fortune 500 companies.
Expert: J. Kyle Howard Date: 3/21/2008 Subject: lost & directionless
Question Hi,
I am a 26 years old female. For the past few weeks I have been feeling general malaise & sickness off and on - mostly
muscle aches, very mild fever, fatigue, very mild throat discomfort and very mild cold/flu.
I think this is because I have not been sleeping well for the past few weeks. Lately, I find my life and job very
unfulfilling, so much so that the only things I look forward to in life is to eat. (which is bad - I am slowly but
surely getting fatter).
There are many things going on in my life lately.
1)Career - I think I dont have passion for my job anymore. But the creepier question beneath is - should I change job?
And I dont really know what I want to do which can make money and be fun at the same time. I have already been working
in my present company (my first job) for almost 5 years now. Will it be a stupid decision to change career? Will it be
worth the pay cut? (My company pays quite well). But lately I start to feel like an underdog here. My junior has been
approved to go to an overseas training (which I have applied for but previously denied approval). Then I start to feel
left out as most of my colleagues are more IT savvy than I am. My company mostly does system implementation work. I
have an Electrical & Electronics Engineering Degree background. AT the moment, I cant forsee a bright future with this
company, the only reasons why I am staying is - the pay, and I am not sure whether outside jobs will be better (may be
I am having unrealistic expectations of a job - and switching to a lower paying job will be a foolish move?).
2)Being content with what I have VS losing weight
I am 60kg, 5 feet 2 tall. I went for a check up and discovered that my metabolism is on the low range of a normal
person.I have been actively working out 3-4 times a week (at least one hour session each time) for the past 4 years. I
mostly do high/mix impact cardio workouts(3-4 times per week), with some stretching/flexibility exercises(once / twice
a week) and resistance training (once a week/2 weeks). If it is not for my active lifestyle, I believe my metabolism
rate would even be lower.
I have been chubby all my life. Highest weight is 60kg, lowest weight was 50kg. The weight which I was able to maintain
(5 years ago) was 55-57kg.
Lately, due to work commitments, I have not been able to work out as much as I usually do, and in the near future, I
can forsee even more hectic working schedule.
I eat a normal amount like other people. But sometimes I wonder whether I should go all out to cut out 5 kg of fat?
Should I eat a super light dinner, skip all the sweet tea/coffee that I have after breakfast/lunches, etc? And I am
reluctant to do that because I love those food. But I am always in a lingering limbo - torn between being content with
the size and shape that I have, and whether to vigorously pursue my goal? If yes, that will mean that I will have to
significantly alter my eating habits for the rest of my life. The question will be - is it worth the effort? I honestly
dont know.
Nowadays I just exist through life, going through the motions, directionless and with a vague feeling of depression.
Nothing to look forward to. Can you please help me? I have been having this problem off and on for the past few
months/2 years. Thanks!
Regards,
Karen
Answer Hello Karen,
I applaud your efforts in trying to fix what you deem is wrong with your life. Please understand that my role here is to empower you with a different insight to change. It is you, however, that has to be willing to do the hard work. Let's put our thinking caps on.
You are still a very young woman and have plenty of life to live. Your current situation can be as long-lived or as short as you decide. I would first suggest that you get a medical checkup. It's good to at least know where you are medically.
It's going to be difficult to get you to relax. Simply because your mind won't shut up. What I'd like you to do is to mentally create a situation (3 hours) whereby you can relax. What room is it in? What's in the room? Is it dimly lit? I then want you to re-create that scene. Get comfortable. Usually a nice bubble bath with candles will get you going. Think of really pampering and loving yourself for this time period.
Get comfortable in your special place. Let your mind race but instead of reacting to it, just observe those thoughts. What's happening is that you are tying your thoughts to your action. For example, you think depressed and then do what a depressed person does. By observing your thoughts and not acting on them, you are free to choose how to act. If happiness is your goal, then smile and let those thoughts pass by.
Understand that your job is not the issue. You can change jobs, cities, friends, etc. Fundamentally, you are the problem so wherever you go, you are there (little pun). I understand the idea of doing something you love, but you have to change the way that life is affecting you now, right where you stand. Obviously, money does not buy happiness, since you are at least satisfied with your salary.
Your body represents what you feel about it. There really is no need to work out as much as you do and still be unhappy with your results. We come in all shapes and sizes. As a former personal trainer, I ask that you cut your workout hours in half. There is no reason to work out beyond 40 minutes. You can of course but can be counterproductive. Do 15-20 minutes of with alternating levels of intensity and the same goes for weight resistance. Exercise has a great benefit of removing stress.
You don't have to give up the food you love, just eat them in moderation and keep it as clean as your palate can stand (raw veggies). To lose weight, expend more calories than you take in. It's a simple process. It doesn't sell a lot of books but it is effective. Also, be sure to spread your meals out to about one every 3 hours.
Karen, you have so much to offer this world. I know that it doesn't seem that way now. I felt like this years ago. If you focus on helping others, I promise you that you will feel much better.
We are all here to help and support each other. You have a unique and distinctive way to look at the world and we need your point of view.
You have within you the essence of a beautiful butterfly. You may be in your caterpillar stage and it seems tough to get through. Don't give up stay focused and soon you will be flying high.
Take the time to honor and love who you are. Smile for no reason. Focus your energies on helping others, enjoy a sunset, start affecting life instead of being affected by it. There is much to be grateful for.
Check out www.define-your-purpose-in-life.com/happiness.html it is a great read. Sign up for the newsletter.
