AboutMrs. Priscilla Lyons Expertise I have time for you. The Bible has been my guiding light for
most of the 56 years of my life. My missionary parents in Brazil kindled
a love for God`s Word by their example and their love for truth. The
Lord has blessed my husband and me with responsible, independent
children who love and serve the Lord and are our best friends. I would
enjoy discussing any subject or problem from a Biblical perspective.
I feel like I have abdicated my role as a child of God. This past year I've engaged in self injurious behaviors such as sleeping with guys, self harm, excessive alcohol use, etc. April was the last time I did any of those activities, but I STILL feel their weight on my shoulders. I know that all I need to do is ask for His forgiveness, but honestly...I'm not sure I want to. A part of me really wants to be a child of God, spreading His love and living for Him but then another part of me may not want to give up those sinful behaviors. I know what I need to do, but I feel like I would be missing out on the fun of being a kid. I'm heading off to college in about 6 weeks, I'll be about 2 hrs from home but I know this will be difficult. I'm the youngest of 6 girls and have never been without my family. I'm worried that I may turn to those self injurious behaviors if I get overwhelmed at college. I don't want to because those behaviors make me feel guilty. Ultimately what would be ideal would be to turn to God but I feel a struggle within. If you can give me any advice, I would surely appreciate it. Thank you for your time.
Answer Dear Kristi,
I'm glad to hear from you. I think you describe a common tug-of-war between our human nature and our spirit made in His image. In Romans 7 and 8 Paul paints the same scenario, then gives the solution that only through the power of the Holy Spirit dwelling in us can we live as we know we ought to live.
As you may know, we receive God's Spirit only when we have the faith to die to our own way of thinking in order to receive God's Way. Romans 6:6, Galatians 2:20 "I am crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live, yet not I but Christ lives in me; and the life that I now live in the flesh, I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Hebrews 11:6 describes faith as recognizing that God "is a Rewarder of them that diligently seek Him." In other words, rather than "enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season"(Heb.11:25) you choose to sacrifice "the fun of being a kid" and instead, turn to the reward from the One Who created you and knows you better than you know yourself.
The behaviors you mentioned can not only make you feel guilty--they can also kill you. John 10:10 "The thief (Satan) comes not, but to steal, kill, and destroy. I (Jesus) am come that they might have life, and have it more abundantly."
The choice isn't really between living for God or living for yourself, because we really don't have the power to live for God. The choice is either live for yourself (good or bad), or die to your SELF, so God can live THROUGH you.
There are people without "bad behaviors" who haven't surrendered themselves to God, so, unfortunately, they don't have His life in them, and their "goodness" is temporary. By faith (surrender) you can receive His life to not only help you resist destructive behavior, but also to give you His fulfilling love forever!
I don't know if this would help, but you might try reading about Christian martyrs who realized that God's eternal life was worth even being physically killed. It puts the sacrifice of "the fun of being a kid" in perspective. These people really trusted God's eternal reward was worth any amount of suffering.
I just had some people tell me today how much they appreciate our son and his young family. The joy of their marriage and family surrendered to God is in stark contrast to the broken homes and wasted lives of many of his classmates. Several of his classmates have died in alcohol related car wrecks.
I pray that you put your confidence in the Creator rather than in temporary created things that have been twisted to harm. When you get to college, make it a priority to get involved with a Christian campus group or church, so you'll have support for God to grow a wonderful relationship with you.
For myself, I am so thankful every day, that I have God in me forever. Life is up and down, but God endures forever rock-solid. Please read His word every day for spiritual food to live on. (John 6)
Sincerely,
Priscilla
