Finding Your Purpose in Life/Paranoia
I've got a whole raft of problems that I feel compelled to bring up to you. I'm 19, and have just started University College. After 15 years at the same school I was ready for a fresh start, my school life had been dominated by exam stresses and countless arguments and fallouts with friends. My problem was that I was very loud and confident, however this confidence was probably due to deep set insecurities I have.
Anyway, it's the first day and I'm ridiculously excited. On the first day and the following weeks I was very, very confident, funny and although people found me a little intense I got on really well with loads of people. I was in essence, the centre of the group. However, as the weeks have gone on it's harder to keep up my constant upbeat, immature and fun loving personality all of the time.
My problem is that I find the need to be on really good terms with absolutely everyone!! I can't deal with just having 'acquaintances' that I pass in the flat and just say 'hi' to. If people don't absolutely love me and show me affection I automatically think 'why don't they like me? what have i done to upset them?'
At the moment I get on really, really, really well with the upstairs flat, and I'm going to live with them next year. I feel like some of the people in my current flat this year aren't that nice, and I feel like I don't get on that well with them... However, when I convince myself I'm being paranoid and try to socialize with them sometimes they can be quite mean and my negative thoughts are confirmed. Yet on other days, they'll be super nice and my paranoid earlier thoughts will be dismissed.
Most ordinary people would just accept that 'you can't get on with everyone in life', and move on, but I dwell and dwell on it. I've read loads of books and articles about positive and not paranoid thinking but a couple of days after I've put the book down I'll get paranoid again. I almost need some sort of mantra I can keep telling myself when I get paranoid...
For example last week every free minute I got I spent it chilling with the upstairs flat. The only time I spent in my flat was when I was working in my room. From time to time I would go into my flat's kitchen and try to engage with conversation. However, it's really awkward and whatever comes out of my mouth they make subtle fun of it. Because of this I feel more compelled to spend as little time as possible with them. The next day when I was upstairs one of my friends that lives there took me to one side and said that 'Mr. X (lets call him)' had come up from downstairs and asked 'Is Johnny ok? He's been off with the whole flat'. This made me question my earlier paranoid and think, 'wow, how nice is my flat'.
What should I do, think, or am I simply thinking too much?
Hi Johnnie, thanks for the question. Please email me your birth date and place if it was in the tropics or southern hemisphere to firstname.lastname@example.org where I will have more time and space in which to answer you. My analysis is based on an evolutionary view of human personality and is not a horoscope, in case you were wondering.