Finding Your Purpose in Life/depression and despair becoming my intimate friends
QUESTION: my story begin when I tried to think out of box and change my career , finding my niche , true talent , I had bachelor degree on engineer , I really love engineering abstract science but don't want to works as an engineer , from this point , I tried to search in myself , refresh the past , to lot of mental and talent exercises , read self development books ,, apply on lot of assessment and exams online for know my personality and abilities and interests , by matching my self identification and external material like books , I found that the common area between my desires-interests-abilities-strength points - knowledge is
1- artistic field ( creative writing include "poems-lyrics-plays-stories-movies-articles-drama) - ( dancing , expressive dancing , contemporary dancing , folks , free style dancing) - ( voice over ) - ( acting ) - ( music creating and arranging) - ( paperwork and cartoon artwork ) - ( miniatures and diorama design )
2- management ( manage a business , department , people , project ..................)
3- anything related to people like ( human development - self improvement - harmonization - motivation - solving problems - creating peace and tranquility )
for 8 years , I m rounding on closed circle , between my loving arts , career , financial situation , hating to be employee for long time , egg or chicken dilemma
I worked for 4.5 yrs on marine international company after 6 month of my recruitment I qualified for a high responsibility management position , on the same time I tried to improved my artistic talent and announce , the problem is this position dominant my time because I was responsible for more than 600 person working on marine vessel also the connection point between them and the all company department , my cell phone reach more than 100 calls daily , my health start to withdraw , despite of I was happy on the beginning that I m VIP person , that all people need him , famous person not only that but also I m the creator who plan and recruit crews and change them reporting them , solve their problem , ranking them , harmonize between them , relieve them and their families ...................... , it was a dream , I detected that I have practically social and management too high skills , but the arts talent improving and announcement start to vanish again this job , that's moaning me , this job suddenly transform from a good acceptable dream to a horror nightmare , my health withdraw , my temper try to lost , making argument , fight with bosses for sake of employees need , wear the role of jokey who have a sword , one day a boss told me your are authenticate person and talented too but all what you do but the against to company policy , the company policy is a vampire policy , if it reach to let people work fro free it was done , I left my work since march 2014 , my artistic talent their interest start to weak , my paces slow , no money , no job , despite of it is an opportunity to return back to this company but I don't want , it was a curse , the best thing that experience I took may be an access point on HR career , but I assured that I hate to be employed , I want to be independent , I m distracted with many arts aspect , each aspect require a time and energy for start earning well money the weird thing , that I m ready to explode my artistic energy without money all my whole life , believe or not believe , those arts I loved from being child , but when can I get money , also employing kill my creativity and activity , consume lot of energy let me weaken on other live aspect , I return to same point and my family and friends accuse me as a big loser
not only that but also
do you know that I m 30 yrs old multi-talented person emotionally
sensitive , shocked on his love whether on practical and professional
live or on his society living in or shocked on himself or shocked on
his best friends and his intimated soul mate also my family , a
person whose soul fill with bruises and deep injuries , I m the person
who required ideal emotional humanity live , want to achieve message
upon people and make them happy , the result is I couldn't achieve my
old desires-message , couldn't explode my creation ability , depressed
, stressed and also injured with ADD.ADHD disorder , OMG , moreover
lost my people I loved , this people converted from innocent people to
monsters , I detected that most of them taken advantage of me ,
exploit me , betray me , oppressed me , ............ , I taste the
bitter of live , noways , on the past I was the person who have a
great sense of humor , funny , emit happiness on people souls ,
positive energy , all that was changed , I m male live on developing
country , I have lot of artistic talent want to explode , want to find
my real loyal schoolmate , but how , when ? when I ll release from this choking circle ????????????????
please I just give you a hint about my problem , if you want to know
details please feel free to ask all the questions you want to
diagnosis my case , noticed that I m ENFP personality , right sided
brain ability , blue core value personality , it may that help
wait for your urgent reply , to tell you more or to ask me"
thanks and best regards
ANSWER: Aob, I know it seems that your problems are unique. They are unique to you, but on a grand scale, far too often a normal occurrence. In an effort to get to know yourself, you looked outside of you for answers. The personality tests can serve a purpose but you have the ability to change your mind, make other decisions thereby invalidating the results of your survey.
The point I am making is this: you have the ultimate power to live the life you seek. Your life is your responsibility and being responsible means that you have the power to choose whatever path you like. You listed quite a few reasons why you hate being an employee. Please consider this: to meet your necessities, you have to earn an income. You get to choose what work you'll do.
The first thing I'd like you to do is create a plan that takes you from where you are today to where you'd like to be tomorrow. Sit down and really think about this. Once you have your plan in place, use that to make your decisions based on your goal. Every decision you make leads you toward or away from you goal.
I know you feel like no one understands what you are going through. Those closest to you may not which is why they may label you a loser. Consider this, all of the great thinkers, artists, authors were once considered losers too. Those who dream and dream big are usually labeled as losers or slackers. Albert Einstein was thought to be a slow thinker. You are in good company my friend.
Spend some of your free time reading about the heroes of history and how they were able to conquer life despite living against the norm. Let everyone else be normal. You dream big and live big.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: thank you for your concern , answer and analysis
you know I read an American article today , I surprised that this article issue and concept as talking about my personality or the author of this article know my personality , the article was talking about scanner personality , the truth thats m I !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
yes sir , I m scanner personality , who owe lot of talents and interests not related to each others and couldn't settle on one career or place for more than 6 month to one year maximum , yes it is completely I m , scanner personality , the problem whats the solution ? , I got bored easily , if I express and enter arts career field , that's satisfying but after awhile , I ll said oh , what about human development and resources experience and talent , oh whats about my enterprenur skills , oh my engineering degree , oh I can own my business and accordingly vice verse , still on circles the time passes you detect new things on yourself and get lost further more after awhile the 10 talents convert to 15 talent then 20 talent without doing any achievement and time passing this closed circle hell plus enjoyment of novelty to try new thing and see new things , you know sir I m travel addictive , when I travel I considered the trip as an adventure not tourism , I m treating with my live from being child as a drama I m the main role , all people around me is other actors , this drama contain adventures , fancy , music , dancing , moans , happiness moment , romantic moment , efforts , suffer , always I treat with all the people close to me as players on my drama it reach degree that when I argue with someone he told me " don't take thing with drama " or "over acting" , sometime I accused that I m an clever actor , or drama maker , thats unreal , believe me I m sincere not acting , but people view me as that , enlarge situation , live minded stories and drama , even my family mother , brother , father , I m afraid that someone ask me what are you working ? or whats your profession ? I confusing on this moment , I want to say an artist but there is no famous work prove that , also I hate to introduce myself as engineer , same time I m HR worker , that depressing me
those role I was defined from persons met on my live also I m live this role with all my sense and mind during my whole past experience
manager - small enterprenur - engineer - HR specialist - human developer , social developer - philosopher - psychiatrist - dancer - musician - creative writer - poet - journalist - investigator - planner - healer and helper - actor - comedian - fine arts designer
I don't know what can I do ?
m I wrong ?
is their something I missed ?
Who are you? Not what do you do, who do you think you are? In order to know what to DO, you need to know what to BE. Stop focusing on what to do and focus more on how you can help people live their lives better.
Who do you need to BE in order to serve the greatest amount of people. When you focus on others, your problems will disappear. The one thing I would suggest is that you learn how to meditate. You need to learn how to quiet your mind so that you can focus. Once you learn to quiet your mind, what you need to do will become clearer because you will have Become someone of substance.
You are standing in your way hopping from one thing to the other. You simply cannot fly to each whim that catches your eye. The challenge then is to find the way to take control of your thoughts and make them work for you.
Meditation, my friend.