Expert: Lisa Carlson - 11/5/2009

Question
I live in rural Mississippi and want to be buried on my own land, with no embalming and no casket.  I basically want them to dig a hole by the woods and stick me in it.  I'm young and in good health, but want to go ahead and find out everything I need to know in case something happens.  I'm worried that if I don't find out for them, my family will decide to have a 'normal' funeral for me (especially since I'd have to be buried quickly).  If I have a signed and witnessed document stating how I want to be buried, would my family have to honor that statement, or would I have to have an official will?  My parents are extremely conventional, and I think the idea of such an unusual burial would turn them off to the point of disregarding my wishes.  What should I do?

Answer
If you have a lot of land outside the village or city limits, then home burial is likely permissible. Draw a map of the land showing where the family burial ground will be and pay to have it recorded with the deed. A good practice is 150 ft. from a water supply and 25 ft. from a neighbor's boundary or power line. Perhaps when your parents see that, they'll get interested. You might look for some other family cemeteries and show how much they are a part of a great American tradition. You can order the DVD "Family Undertaking" from Netflix. Maybe that would help, too.

E-mail me directly and I can send the MS chapter from the '98 edition of my book. I don't think a lot has changed. lisa@funeralethics.org

You could also work to have a new law passed permitting one to name a designated agent for body disposition. About half the states already have such a law. That would allow you to name someone you trust to handle your after-death funeral affairs.