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Funerals/death of brother-in-law


My brother-in-law who iives in a state 700 miles distant (Tenn)  has just died of complications from Alzheimers.  I went there to see him and be with my sister just 2 weeks ago.  He is to be buried in a state several hundred miles further south (Louisiana)  where his own family lives.  My question is - should I try to go to the funeral or somehow be with her now.  All 3 of her children and her grandchildren are with her and she told me not to come now - there may be a memorial service later closer to where I live.   It would be finanically hard for me to go to the funeral in LA  and there are many other support people around.  However, I am her only sister so am feeling not quite comfortable about the situation if I don't go.  What is the right thing to do?

Hello Sara -

I suggest you follow your gut, what is your soul telling you to do?  I apologize this reply may be too late but it seems that you should plan on attending the memorial service at a future date.  Even better, you should assist in planning it, that way you will feel like you made a contribution and you are important to the services.  Follow your heart and don't hurt yourself in the process.

with care,  


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Kellie Gillespie


I can answer any questions regarding funeral planning, grief, alternatives to burial, embalming, natural burial, products and ideas how to make a funeral service or memorial service more meaningful and personal. I can't answer questions regarding legal issues, financial planning and what happens after we die.


I am a licensed Funeral Director in the state of California with 10 years experience.

B.A. from the University of Colorado AA from the San Francisco College of Mortuary Science, now part of the Sacramento Community College program

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