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Funerals/Headstone Etiquette: 3 members in one plotcremation


I am in a dilemma regarding headstone(s) for one family plot that has the cremated remains of three family members.
One brother is buried at the top of the plot and has a tablet-stlye headstone. The other brother is buried at the foot of the plot, but the person in charge of his internment never erected a headstone/marker. My mother just passed, and her desire was to have her remains buried in the middle of the plot between my brothers.
I do not know how to proceed with headstone/marker. Should I get separate stones for the other two family members, or is it acceptable to put their names, etc. on a shared marker? I know this is done with spouses, but it may be inappropriate for a mother and son. Also what would be the appropriate position of the headstone(s) for my one brother and mother?
Your help is greatly appreciated: I really do not know what to do since I would have chosen one large headstone and simply listed family members "as needed." I am really concerned about how to handle this with dignity.

Hello Kerri-

First I would like to say there is no dignity police, no dignity standards.  If anyone walks by the grave and places judgment you will not feel it.   So please follow your heart and your gut, What will you be comfortable with?  You may want to talk to the cemetery counselor and ask them what they suggest, they have seen this before.  They also may have policies to adhere to.  

With care


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Kellie Gillespie


I can answer any questions regarding funeral planning, grief, alternatives to burial, embalming, natural burial, products and ideas how to make a funeral service or memorial service more meaningful and personal. I can't answer questions regarding legal issues, financial planning and what happens after we die.


I am a licensed Funeral Director in the state of California with 10 years experience.

B.A. from the University of Colorado AA from the San Francisco College of Mortuary Science, now part of the Sacramento Community College program

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