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Funerals/Questions Answered by Expert Rabbi Sue Levy
| Subject | Date Asked |
| Jewish coffin construction | 4/9/2011 |
| Q: I was at Work today and the question was asked. Why don't they use nails in Jewish coffins? I am not ... A: Nothing may be done in the process of Jewish burial that would prevent or slow the natural ... | |
| Shiva and Covering of the Mirrors | 1/19/2011 |
| Q: Why do Jews cover their mirrors during the funeral and shiva? A: It is the custom, among traditional Jews, to cover mirrors during the week of mourning for two ... | |
| beliefs on cremation | 1/15/2011 |
| Q: My question regards cremation according to the most strict beliefs in Judaism against it. ... A: Cremation is specifically forbidden in the Torah. Therefore, Jews do not cremate their loved ones, ... | |
| Buriel Service | 10/26/2010 |
| Q: My father passed away and my boyfriend who is Jewish said that he thinks he is not able to attend ... A: First, I am very sorry for your loss. If your boyfriend is a Koheyn, a member of the priestly ... | |
| Mourning Ribbon | 10/24/2010 |
| Q: How long do I wear the mourning ribbon for my husband? A: I am so sorry for your loss. The tradition is to wear the ribbon for thirty days from the time of ... | |
| Burial Customs | 10/23/2010 |
| Q: Rabbi, Tomorrow I will be attending the burial service of the father of a friend of mine. It will ... A: Knecht, I hope this response reaches you on time to be helpful. Let me try to address your ... | |
| Death | 10/21/2010 |
| Q: The dad of my friend, who is Jewish, died about a year ago. I would like to send to my friend a card ... A: The only way that we observe the anniversary of a death is for those in the immediate family to go ... | |
| Transporting a Body | 10/7/2010 |
| Q: It is my understanding that embombing is not done in the Jewish religion. So is it possible to ... A: Federal regulations make it necessary to embalm a body that is being taken across state lines. In ... | |
| Attending meal at Synogogue after the Funeral | 10/5/2010 |
| Q: I am non-jewish and will be attending a Jewish funeral on Thursday. Food will be served at the ... A: The person who told you this is absolutely wrong. Non-Jews are welcome to attend any Jewish ritual, ... | |
| hebrew date versus english date | 8/2/2010 |
| Q: why is the hebrew date used if a person dies on july 21 2009? why don't we say the pray on July ... A: Zeerson, The Jewish People has a long and beloved tradition of living according to the calendar ... | |
| Peroid during Shiva | 6/28/2010 |
| Q: My bosses mother just passed away and im unable to attend services ,but wish to show my respects in ... A: We are not accustomed to cutting down any living thing to honor the dead. If you know that someone ... | |
| creamations | 6/24/2010 |
| Q: Good Afternoon! The question I have is my husband has alzheimers and we have no insurance and we ... A: There are a couple options for you to consider. First, if you were to donate your husband's remains ... | |
| Death of brother | 5/30/2010 |
| Q: My brother passed away yesterday. Am I considered part of the immediate family? Will I be given a ... A: I have tried to get this program to allow me to send you a personal thank you note which would not ... | |
| shmira | 4/13/2010 |
| Q: A funeral service will be held this afternoon. Following that, the maytah will travel to NY for ... A: Yes, who ever is moving the metah is considered to be the one doing shmira. In the time between the ... | |
| grave stone unveiling/dedication | 4/4/2010 |
| Q: Is it necessary for a rabbi to be present at a stone dedication or can the family perform the ... A: The unveiling of a grave stone is an American-Jewish custom which is not even necessary unless the ... | |
| Death of a Jewish Friend | 4/2/2010 |
| Q: Good Evening: My husband and I are not Jewish. A very dear friend of our, who was Jewish, passed ... A: The only "protocol" I can think of is that in traditional congregations men and married women cover ... | |
| burial at sea | 3/30/2010 |
| Q: Can a Jew be burried at sea A: Burial at sea is only permitted in the Orthodox tradition (in other words, according to Jewish Law) ... | |
| FL requirements for inground burial | 3/28/2010 |
| Q: How many linings, concrete vaults are required for an inground burial? When inquiring I found out ... A: Charges for opening and closing the grave are routine across the country. The question of vaults and ... | |
| Memorial Service | 3/10/2010 |
| Q: I have been asked to speak at a 1 yr memorial (yahrzeit, although not a parent) for a friend on ... A: In general, I'm sure you will want to speak about the people and things that were most important to ... | |
| words spoken at a wife's funeral | 2/7/2010 |
| Q: My grandmother died in 1973 when I was very young, but I remember the rabbi said some words about ... A: You may already know this, but there is a Rachel Falk who is a pre-eminent writer in the field of ... | |
| Follow-up to my first Jewish funeral service (pre-formal ceremony) | 2/5/2010 |
| Q: I just had my first experience attending my first Jewish funeral service (Prior to the formal ... A: I would be very surprised if you did anything wrong. It is often the case that mourners at a funeral ... | |
| Sabbath Obberserving Cementarys | 1/20/2010 |
| Q: , i was wonderning if we can keep our NEW Cementary To be a Sabbath Observing one ? we haveNt ... A: Dixon, If you are part of a group that is establishing a cemetery, just announce the rules you ... | |
| burial | 10/12/2009 |
| Q: Why do the Jewish people turn the shovel upside down to bury the deceased? A: While some people turn the shovel upside down, it is not mandatory, and it is not done by all Jews. ... | |
| unveiling ceremony | 10/11/2009 |
| Q: I have a Jewish friend who passed away a year ago. His unveiling is this week at the graveside, but ... A: It is entirely appropriate for you to attend the unveiling. It is usually a very brief ceremony. ... | |
| funeral attire | 7/28/2009 |
| Q: My aunt passed away this morning and she was jewish. Now I don't think she was a practicing Jew. ... A: You should be fine if you wear any kind of business attire - a suit, a dress that is appropriate for ... | |
| Maiden Name on Grave Marker | 6/10/2009 |
| Q: Is it customary to include a married woman's maiden name on her marker? My cousin and I recently ... A: The Jewish tradition has nothing to say in regard to your question because until relatively ... | |
| Flowers | 6/9/2009 |
| Q: A business associate's son passed away suddenly. The memorial service is at a Conservative ... A: We don't believe in cutting down a living thing to honor the dead, so it would be more considerate ... | |
| my father | 4/6/2009 |
| Q: I lost my father 4 weeks ago today and I am having a very hard time recovering The rabbi gave my ... A: In the Jewish tradition, the formal mourning process has first the seven days of shiva and then the ... | |
| Attire for Jewish Funeral | 2/8/2009 |
| Q: Can you please advise what is appropriate attire for attending Jewish funeral. I am not Jewish, so ... A: You should feel free to wear anything that would be considered business attire - a dress or suit or ... | |
| Funeral | 2/7/2009 |
| Q: My husband's sister is Orthodox Jew. She is dying of cancer and only has a few months left. She ... A: You are certainly welcome to attend an Orthodox funeral, and it would be polite if you would visit ... | |
| Etiquette | 1/29/2009 |
| Q: My brother-in-law's Mother passed away today, out of state. My family(Roman Catholic) would like to ... A: A fruit basket or a live plant would be lovely. We don't send flowers because we don't believe in ... | |
| funeral | 12/8/2008 |
| Q: IS IT ALLOWED TO PERFORM THE TAHARA IN A JEWISH CEMETERY,AND THEN BURY THE BODY IN A NON JEWISH ... A: I'm sorry, but it is not permitted, according to Jewish Law to bury a Jew in a non-Jewish cemetery ... | |
| covering mirrors during shivas | 11/6/2008 |
| Q: why are mirrors covered during shiva A: There are two reasons for covering mirrors in a shiva house. The first reason is that one who is ... | |
| Book on Jewish Funeral customs | 10/26/2008 |
| Q: I am a convert to Reform Judaism and have been a Jew for only 10 years. My husband is an elderly ... A: Probably the best thing you can do is to turn to one of your husband's colleagues - another rabbi ... | |
| Shiva Food | 7/9/2008 |
| Q: Rabbi Levy, What is the custom concerning how to include people in sending in the shiva tray and ... A: There are some times when a friend of the family will organize food for the family for a week, ... | |
| Jewish cemetery | 5/20/2008 |
| Q: I buried my mother recently and I was told by the cemetery that in 1974 they mistakenly buried ... A: I'm sorry that you and your family has had to deal with such terrible stress. Yes, you may very ... | |
| unveiling | 5/19/2008 |
| Q: I would like to know the purpose of an unveiling.My son passed away 10 months ago (18yrs old), I ... A: Please allow me to suggest that what is most painful is the death of a child and not the funeral ... | |
| Jewish burial | 5/12/2008 |
| Q: Is there a Biblical/spiritual rationale for the rapid burial of a loved one? If so, could you tell ... A: The Bible says, "dust you are and unto dust you will return." Therefore, we do not believe in ... | |
| Jewish Funeral | 3/2/2008 |
| Q: Our dear Jewish neighbor passed away, and my wife and I would like to attend her service, but we ... A: It will be acceptable for your wife to wear a pants. Please be guided by what other men are doing at ... | |
| Stones on markers | 2/1/2008 |
| Q: Is it OK for a non-Jew to leave a stone on the grave marker of a Jewish friend? I'm Roman Catholic ... A: Yes, it is perfectly OK, and it is a lovely gesture on your part. It has become a custom to show ... | |
| Mourning | 1/11/2008 |
| Q: My very dear friends mother passed away at 7am this morning and it is my belief that she will be ... A: If you have not already called, it would be best for you to wait until after the funeral or, if it ... | |
| dates for yarzheit on Jewish calendar | 12/16/2007 |
| Q: Is there a place on the internet that I can translate the date of funeral to the date of yarzheit on ... A: Some Reform and Reconstructionist congregations are willing to let people choose either the Hebrew ... | |
| Jewish Funeral | 12/6/2007 |
| Q: I have a very dear friend who has just died, he was a Portuguese Jew. He was, as a child brought up ... A: Yes, of course, the arrangements for the chapel sound fine. I wasn't aware of the fact that his ... | |
| Jewish Funeral | 12/5/2007 |
| Q: I have a very dear friend who has just died, he was a Portuguese Jew. He was, as a child brought up ... A: I am quite amazed and in awe of any Methodist minister who will go to the lengths that you are in ... | |
| Jewish Funeral Attire | 11/5/2007 |
| Q: I am attending the funeral of my bosses mother, I am not Jewish, what is the correct attire to wear ... A: I would suggest business attire for the funeral. Coat and tie for your husband, and a dress for ... | |
| Protocol for a Shabat. | 10/23/2007 |
| Q: The local temple is having a Noah's Ark Shabbat service (they are bringing in live animals for the ... A: You may wish to contact the World Union For Progressive Judaism regarding the congregation in ... | |
| burial vs cremation | 7/8/2007 |
| Q: I am slightly confused about what i have read regarding legality of cremation within jewish law. it ... A: The Torah is clear in telling us that we must return to the earth from which we came. There is ... | |
| my grandmother's death | 6/19/2007 |
| Q: My grandparents are the only ones in our family that are Jewish. My dear grandma passed away last ... A: This is really not a Jewish issue at all. I think the best you can do, under the circumstances, is ... | |
| unveiling | 6/10/2007 |
| Q: can i have an unveiling for my mother between rosh Hashanah and Yom kippor? the cemetery says they ... A: I apologize for the delay in responding to your query. I was having trouble with my internet ... | |
| unveling | 5/31/2007 |
| Q: My dads unveiling is July 1st and I am unsure about what to do after the cemetary service? Do we go ... A: There isn't any one proper thing to do. If there are people who will be coming from a long distance, ... | |
| FUNERAL | 4/10/2007 |
| Q: I have a disagreement with my wife. My Grandmother passed away this morning and the funeral is ... A: It is absolutely appropriate to take children to a shiva. If you read the Mourner's Kaddish in ... | |
| funeral | 1/8/2007 |
| Q: what can i send to the home for shiva A: It would help you to know whether or not the family observes the Jewish dietary laws (keeps kosher). ... | |
| Funeral | 1/3/2007 |
| Q: A former coworker daughter has lost her battle with brain cancer. I and some coworker are going to ... A: No one has to be invited to visit. The more visitors, the better. It gives people an opportunity to ... | |
| jewish gravemarker dedication service | 10/19/2006 |
| Q: My family has asked me to dedicate the stone at my grandmothers grave. Although I have performed ... A: The Jewish custom in the United States is to unveil the grave-stone after a period of time has gone ... | |
| Mourning Tradition | 10/16/2006 |
| Q: My father has just died ( last friday ) after a long illness and I am not as familiar with ... A: I'm very sorry about your loss. One of the most important traditions of mourning is to sit shiva so ... | |
| Jewish Funeral protocol | 8/27/2006 |
| Q: My wifes employer has passed on this past Friday, and we will be attending a jewish visitation ... A: McCann, In this case, I think your decisions about how much to do will depend upon whether your ... | |
| Protocols | 8/9/2006 |
| Q: I worked with a lovely young woman who left the company when she married and I attended her wedding. ... A: There is no Jewish protocol for this situation. Your friend is probably feeling very lonely and ... | |
| why do we cover mirrors during shiva? | 7/12/2006 |
| Q: why do we cover mirrors during shive A: There are two reasons for covering mirrors during shiva. First, mourners should not have to be ... | |
| funeral dress | 7/7/2006 |
| Q: I'm actually costuming a film that has a scene with a Jewish funeral, I would love your help. ... A: There is no such thing as a "mixed faith" funeral for an Orthodox Jew. I would like to suggest that ... | |
| unveilings | 5/18/2006 |
| Q: My husband and I are the only family left, with the unveiling of his mother coming up. Since we ... A: I'm sorry if I'm late in responding. The AllExperts folks told me that your post was waiting for my ... | |
| Casket | 5/17/2006 |
| Q: Rather than a wood casket or shroud my father requests that when he dies he be buried in a woven ... A: The only way you could bury him in bamboo or wicker would be to have him fully clothed. The idea of ... | |
| Jewish funeral service | 1/22/2006 |
| Q: Rabbi, I am not a Rabbi but I will be conducting a funeral on Tuesday. Having led services a six ... A: Lankin, Most of the funeral service is comprised of prayers of comfort and Psalms. In most Shabbat ... | |
| jewish death and bereavement protocol | 3/8/2005 |
| Q: I have a very dear friend whose death from cancer will probably occur within the next 24 hours. He ... A: I'm happy to answer your questions, but it isn't clear to me what your role will be when he dies. ... | |
| Thank you notes for condolence cards? | 1/11/2005 |
| Q: My mother in law passed away last week and many people did wonderful things for us. (I am reform, ... A: You should not be expected to thank someone who sent a condolence card. People in the Reform, ... | |
| Stone placed on grave markers in cemetaries | 6/7/2004 |
| Q: What is the basis for stones placed on grave stones. I saw several at West Point Cemetary and ... A: The grandparents and great-grandparents of most American Jews came from Eastern Europe, and this is ... | |
| Jewish Funeral Songs | 2/28/2004 |
| Q: Friends have asked me to sing at the memorial service of their mother. The family is Jewish but have ... A: My first suggestion would be to ask the family if there is anything that they would particularly ... | |
| funeral custom | 11/11/2003 |
| Q: I am not Jewish but am very interested in Judasim. I attended an Orthodox burial in Swansea during ... A: Some traditional Jews use shovels and ill the grave entirely. It is considered an act of love and ... | |
| parts of a jewish funeral service | 5/30/2003 |
| Q: I'm a minister who is doing a brief service for a Jewish family (tomorrow). They describe themselves ... A: Britton, I am sorry that this is a very complicated question that I can't possibly answer by email. ... | |
| Yarzheit prayers and candles | 3/27/2003 |
| Q: My fiance converted to Judaism. His father was not Jewish. His father died 40 years ago ... A: Since your fiance's family is not Jewish, he has no obligation to observe any of the rituals of ... | |
Funerals
Answers by Expert:
Rabbi Sue Levy
Top Expert on this page
Expertise
I will be happy to answer questions about Jewish customs and beliefs relating to death and mourning and how these are observed by the different movements in the Jewish community. I can discuss the content of the Jewish funeral service as well as options from which you may choose. I can also suggest some important questions which one may want to ask a rabbi or funeral director when planning a funeral service.
Experience
I have been a rabbi for twenty-three years and have served congregations in the Reform, Conservative and Reconstructionist movements. I taught an undergraduate course in Death and Dying at Temple University in Philadelphia and have taught classes in Jewish mourning customs in numerous locations. I am also a widow. My experience as a mourner enabled me to see, in a very practical way, which of the traditions, "worked" for me and which did not. One of the most important things I learned is that, even for Jews who do not accept the authority of Jewish law, many of the traditional practices have enormous psychological wisdom. I can offer both an educated an sympathetic ear.
Organizations
Reconstructionist Rabbinical Association, Houston Rabbinical Association.
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