Expert: Justin Spiro - 12/20/2008

Question
Hi i am Jason, am 18, i live in Canada and i am a very straight looking/acting guy (and this is not about to change). I am also still in the closet. A week ago, I met this 18 year old guy from North Carolina on a gay chat room and we have been chatting and viewing each other on our [webcams] ever since. I have seen every part of his body and hes seen every part of mine. I know most things about him and he does the same about me, hes also very gorgeous and i am good looking myself. I asked him a few night ago if he wanted to exchange cellular phone numbers and he accepted, but it feels like i always have to text him and he does not on his own. I am so in love with this guy and he says the same. We always talk about arranging something to see each other but i have been feeling so insecure. Honestly i would love to chat with someone about this. I need ongoing advice. Can you help me, its tearing me apart. I think hes just going to stop talking to me.

Answer
Hi Jason,

It sounds like you're in a really tough situation.  Long distance relationships are very difficult, especially when people are young and in the closet.  You should ask yourself, where do you see this relationship going?  What do you hope to get out of it?  I think it's very important for closeted teenagers to form relationships with other gay people.  Just make sure you have realistic expectations.  For instance, perhaps he really likes you too, but doesn't want to get too close to you emotionally because of how far away you live from each other.  I know you've discussed meeting up, but have you ever discussed where your relationship is going?

I hope this helps you clarify the situation a little bit.  Feel free to write back with any further questions if you'd like ongoing advice :)