AboutJessica Expertise Hello, I can answer questions on coming out to your friends or family, relationship problems, questioning your sexuality, why a person is gay, signs as to finding out whether someone is homophobic, whether he or she likes you and religious parents. I will try my best to help you out but there is nothing I can't help or support you with. Although this is off topic, I believe that I am able to answer questions outside the circle of gay, lesbian and bisexual. Like school, family, and psychological issues. I am no expert but just a volunteer. If I am on vacation, here is a link to my answers on different problems you are having: http://en.allexperts.com/q/Gay-Lesbian-Bi-3185/2008/7/ANSWERS.htm
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Experience in the area I'm a bisexual teen myself and have gone through tough situations involving my sexuality. I have been volunteering here for more than a year now and would definitely be of help to you. Homosexuality alone is a topic but it is linked to many different areas too (environment, family, school life, etc). So, I am able to give you a wider scope of the situation.
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Expert: Jessica Date: 7/17/2008 Subject: First Gay Crush...I need advice!! Help!!
Question QUESTION: **This is long, I know, I'm sorry**
I'm a 20 year old bisexual?/gay male, and I have just developed my first crush on a guy, all my prior crushes have been on girls, and have only seen guys in a sexual manner only. He is gay, seems to be out in his personal life, but is closeted at our work, where I know him/met him.
We have been talking and have become decently good friends at work, flirting, laughing and stuff. He has been choosing his words very carefully to describe past relationships, leaving out "Hims", "Hers", "She", "He" etc.. I asked him the other day if his eye color was real or if he wore colored contacts. He instead told me a story (very carefully and slowly to leave out the sex of the partner I noticed) about how he had been told in the past that his eyes get bluer when he orgasms. My normal response (if a girl had told me that) would have been a corny joke like "oh yeah when are you going to prove it?" or something along the lines, but I didn't because that would have outed me. I instead said "Oh really? We'll thats pretty bad when your eyes are the only thing that they were interested in during it" and winked at him. He smiled/laughed and said "Oh yeah, thats what you think." I took this exchange between us as flirting, but I could be wrong??
I also always joke about how if I was in charge of the firing/hiring of people at our work I'd fire half the place and hiring hot people to replace them, he asked "Oh well I'd still have a job right?" and I joked back "No, I said only hot people would be employed", he laughed. (My sense of humor is sort of "insulting"/"Joking" with people, you can tell that I like you (as a friend/crush) if I pick on you)
The other day he made a comment to me and another co-worker that I don't really understand what it meant, " 'Guy' is awesome, If I was gay I'd definitely go for him." What do you guys think this meant?? Seeing how he is gay does that mean he would/wants to go for me?
I have been making attempts to hang out with him outside of work (We have once with a group from work), but we have not hung out other than that. I think a big reason for that is 1) He isn't 100% that I'm gay and doesn't want me to get freaked out hanging out with him in a "gay" situation or 2) Doesn't want "work"/me to know hes gay
He found out the other day that I played Football in high school and has brought it up several times that he "can't believe I played" and that "he can't see it" ... do you think that the stereotype of an "obnoxious jock" or from a bad experience he had with a "jock" is effecting his decision about me??
He got very upset when it started to go around work that he might be gay. He has come out to two girls at work, but still hasn't to me. He was talking about bisexuals the other day and I asked "Well...your bi too, aren't you?" and he got very red and denied it. I was going to come out to him too but I decided to just let the subject go. I apologized for my question, said that it was fine with me if he was or wasn't, and that I hadn't told anyone about that topic and wasn't going to, because it was none of their business.
How should I go about getting him to trust me enough to tell me or how to re bring up the subject in order to tell him about myself??
ANSWER: Hello Guy,
Thank you for your question.
Are you thinking that this friend/colleague of yours has an attraction towards you?
For now, could you show him little hints that you have a crush on him? You could be a little serious rather than teasing around. Maybe try to get close to him or treat him better than other workers. How often do you people talk about gays? You might want to send some indirect messages that would let him know you aren't homophobic and that you are bisexual yourself. Example, you could say how you hate homophobes and their criticism, your longing for a partner (do not be too direct by saying a guy. just say a partner). But you can see where I'm going with this?
You guys are adults and he is just a little shy right now. Maybe you might want to come out to him first and see how it goes from there. From what you have shared, it seems like things are going well so far. He is just hesitating. Probably give him some time as he decides to come out to you or not. In the mean time, show him some hints as I have mentioned above.
I hope that I have helped you and please feel free to write back anytime.
Good luck & take care,
Jessica
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Hello again,
Last night I finally mustered up the courage and bit the bullet...I told him. I decided to text him because I thought that it would be a little easier than having to do it in person.
He messaged me back saying that he was cool with it, and was honored that I trusted him enough to tell him. He promised to not tell anyone. At this point he still hadn't admitted being gay himself, so I continued the conversation as though I already knew and finally he used the word "people like ourselves." It was definitely a relief.
He told me that he got the hints that I was giving, knew I was gay too, but didn't want to make me uncomfortable by letting me know that he knew.
Today at work I saw him for the first time since our conversation, and it was surprisingly not awkward (I was expecting myself to be shy, avoidance, blushing etc..) We just went on like normal.
In the past when I have said that we need to hang out, he always said "Yeah definitely!" but nothing ever came of it. Now that we're out to each other I'm hoping that will change. How do you think would be a good way to get us to hang out socially (which will hopefully maybe lead to something)
Answer Hey Guy,
Thank you for telling me what happened.
That's good that you two are out to each other and aren't awkward.
Uh, could you two maybe hang around after work? Maybe have a drink or just exercise together? Just do anything as a friend with him and things might develop naturally. In the mean time, watch out for signs that he is giving to you. Does he try and get close to you or anything? Things like that. If so, you might want to respond.
Good luck and write back if you ever need any more help.
