AboutJessica Expertise Hello, I can answer questions on coming out to your friends or family, relationship problems, questioning your sexuality, why a person is gay, signs as to finding out whether someone is homophobic, whether he or she likes you and religious parents. I will try my best to help you out but there is nothing I can't help or support you with. Although this is off topic, I believe that I am able to answer questions outside the circle of gay, lesbian and bisexual. Like school, family, and psychological issues. I am no expert but just a volunteer. If I am on vacation, here is a link to my answers on different problems you are having: http://en.allexperts.com/q/Gay-Lesbian-Bi-3185/2008/7/ANSWERS.htm
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Experience in the area I'm a bisexual teen myself and have gone through tough situations involving my sexuality. I have been volunteering here for more than a year now and would definitely be of help to you. Homosexuality alone is a topic but it is linked to many different areas too (environment, family, school life, etc). So, I am able to give you a wider scope of the situation.
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Expert: Jessica Date: 7/5/2008 Subject: don't know what to do...
Question QUESTION: okay so i've been infatuated with this girl for over a year now. and i've been on this roller coaster with 'does she like me or not'-i mean she flirts with other girls, but a lot of girls do that so that wasn't a big indicator. its the fact that she knows i like her, and she still interacts with me in a flirty way-esspecially if no one else is around or looking. she'll lock eyes with me from across the room, lean on me or rest her head on me and not say a word, she'll wink at me,blow kisses,& give me really tight hugs.
she also gets jealous when she sees me flirt or even just talk to other girls. she'll roll her eyes or give the girl i'm talking to a dirty look. sometimes she'll stare at me talking to another girl and then start looking really sad. and then she'll try and get back at me by flirting with guys right in front of me. now idk if she likes me or if she just likes the attention. b/c when ever i think i understand her-she goes and throws me for a loop. like one time i hit on her at a party, i hugged her and whispered in her ear 'you are so sexy' and she blushed a bit. i thought she liked it but then she started ignoring me and got a boyfriend days later. we made up after that and started talking again.its just that we went a long time avoiding each other before getting to that point.
and she'll admit to fantasizing or crushing on girls and i'll think its safe to flirt and sometimes she flirts back,then all of sudden she's all over some guy.and i can't tell the difference sometimes between it being a tactic to get me jealous or if its her way of telling me she's not into girls.
and if that wasn't confusing enough she's started giving me the cold shoulder. she'll act like she doesn't see me and ignore me when i say hello...i don't know what to think anymore. b/c she acts like she wants to be closer and then she just pushes me away....
ANSWER: Hello Zora,
Thank you for your question.
I am sorry that you are handling such a perplexing situation.
I understand that what this girl is doing is mind blogging. I am not sure what exactly she is up to but I could come up with a couple of 'theories'.
Firstly, she could be confused about her own feelings and is still questioning her sexuality. She might very well be bi-curious too. But I am leaning more to her confused on her feelings. Allow me to explain why. You mentioned that she flirts with you but once you get near her, she pushes you away. I can conclude that if she is not toying with your feelings, then she is confused with her own feelings.
Secondly, are you very sure that she only has a boyfriend to get you jealous? Was she really fond of all the guys she went out with? I am thinking that you might ask the one or two of the boys she went out with how she was when hanging out with them. Were they really intimate or only in front of you? Basically, what you want to get out of this is whether she really likes those guys or not.
I hope that I am not getting you any more confused.
But how about you try confessing your attraction to her face-to-face? That way, she will have to give you an answer. Yeah, I think that there is a very high chance she will ignore you. But how long has this been going on? I think that you got to get some answers from her. If you can't, you lure the answers out. Like I suggested above, find out from the boys she goes out with whether or not they really had a great time, intimate with each other, having a real girl-boy relationship.
I hope that my answer has helped you. Please feel free to write back anytime. We could analyze this situation together.
Good luck & take care,
Jessica
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: wow, thanks for everything. you really listened and gave me a lot of suggestions. thanks, i really appreciate it.
well, the tricky thing is-she's started avoiding me towards the end of school. so now its summer and she'll be away on vacation. so it's hard to contact her.but its really odd because she and i had talked online the day before i noticed her avoiding me. and it was an okay conversation-nothing happened that would make her angry. so it really caught me off gaurd. i just wish i knew where we stood.
but,i'll give talking to the guy she went out with a try. from the outside they seemed like a legimate couple. they rode the train together and hung out after school. but they didn't seem intimate at all. they only hugged and sat next to each other at lunch. and after a few weeks they were over. and the thing that caught my attention was that to her, their relationship wasn't all that big a deal. all of her friends were happy and more excited that she was when they hooked up and they'd say things like 'you've got a boyfriend, smile' and she'd just say stuff like 'yeah i know' or 'whatever'-like she wasn't really into him. and she seemed even less into the breakup-they just stopped talking to each other.
but other than that,we've interacted well with each other. she'll ask me for help on things that i know she can do on her own or ask me questions she knows the answer to. i interpreted that as her finding any excuse to talk to me. and sometimes she'll offer to help me with things and if someone else asks her,she'll tell them to do it themselves. so she is capable of giving me special attention-i just don't know what her motives are. if she cares or if she's just messing with me.
Answer Hello again,
Nice hearing back from you.
Uh, it stinks that she would be on vacation. How long is it? Could handle the anticipation and suspense? Haha. Guess that is a little extreme. But yeah, try hooking up with her 'boyfriend' for a conversation.
If you get nothing out of it, then talk to her face-to-face when you get a chance.
