AboutJessica Expertise Hello, I can answer questions on coming out to your friends or family, relationship problems, questioning your sexuality, why a person is gay, signs as to finding out whether someone is homophobic, whether he or she likes you and religious parents. I will try my best to help you out but there is nothing I can't help or support you with. Although this is off topic, I believe that I am able to answer questions outside the circle of gay, lesbian and bisexual. Like school, family, and psychological issues. I am no expert but just a volunteer. If I am on vacation, here is a link to my answers on different problems you are having: http://en.allexperts.com/q/Gay-Lesbian-Bi-3185/2008/7/ANSWERS.htm
Which ever volunteer you are going to pick, please fill in the correct email address or you will never receive an answer. Thank you.
Experience
Experience in the area I'm a bisexual teen myself and have gone through tough situations involving my sexuality. I have been volunteering here for more than a year now and would definitely be of help to you. Homosexuality alone is a topic but it is linked to many different areas too (environment, family, school life, etc). So, I am able to give you a wider scope of the situation.
Education/Credentials I do not have any Education or Credentials in this field. But having the interest and with large amount of time spent on research, reading valid resources, I believe that I am able to answer your question to your need.
Question Hi my name is Keara and I'm 21 years old. I started to see in high school my attraction towards women and it seems in the past 2 or 3 years to have only gotten stronger. I have had one boyfriend when I was 13 that was simply a waste of my time and childish. I have made out with guys before but that's it. I fell in love with a girl when I was 18 and dated her for 2 years before she broke up with my because she felt I wasn't ready to commit (she's right), and that I'm not sure if I want to marry a man or a woman. Since we have broken up, I'm starting to believe that I'm not bisexual but a lesbian. Do you think that I have to be in a relationship or have sex with a man to come to complete understanding of my feelings? I'm very confused considering I find men and women attractive equally. I want that fairy tale wedding in my church (which would never accept the marriage with a girl) but I also want to be back with my ex. I don't know if I am a lesbian or bisexual.
Answer Hello Keara,
Thank you for your question.
A lesbian is someone who is physically or sexually or romantically attracted to girls only. The attraction(s) for bisexuality do not have to be the same. It could be 80% girls and 20% boys, it does not matter.
A person doesn't make a conscious choice to be gay. Homosexuality stems from either a learnt behavior or hurts, wounds, issues. Having said that, have you ever been abused (physical, verbal, sexual, emotional)? How about raped or molested? Are your parents divorced? There is no solid scientific proof that gay is a result of chemical imbalance or due to hormones. I believe that homosexuality builds up depending on the environmental factors.
An example: Jim didn't have many friends in school and hang around with the girls only. So, he got picked on and bullied by the boys. However, he found ways that could please his boy classmates and lead them to accepting him. How did Jim please the boys? By maybe doing anything he was asked of. Simple situation of neglect affects psychologically. I know, high level of complexity.
You might want to check out these websites:
www.pureintimacy.org (click on the section on homosexuality)
www.exodus.to
Hmm, so you are a Christian, eh?
It really angers me when Christians condemn homosexuals, say that gays would go to hell and when they see homosexuality differently from other sins. That is false. There is no such thing as big sin or small sin. A sin is a sin. Homosexuality is the same as lying, stealing, murdering, adultery and prostitution. Whatever sin, you name them. God does not hate gays.
1 Corinthians 6:9-11:
9 Don't you know that evil people will not receive God's kingdom? Don't be fooled. Those who commit sexual sins will not receive the kingdom. Neither will those who worship statues of gods or commit adultery. Neither will men who are prostitutes or who commit homosexual acts. 10 Neither will thieves or those who always want more and more. Neither will those who are often drunk or tell lies or cheat. People who live like that will not receive God's kingdom.
11 Some of you used to do those things. But your sins were washed away. You were made holy. You were made right with God. All of that was done in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
I think that if you were to trace your past carefully, you will be able to find some hurts or wounds which actually formed your sexuality.
I hope that I have helped you and do feel free to write back anytime. I am available here unless I max out. I got a few other resources too if you would like.
