Expert: Jessica - 9/7/2008

Question
Hi im jackie and im 16 years old. i am a lesbian but im not out yet. i act straight
so i can have an easier time getting through high school. i have best friend and
im in love with her. she is attractive but shes also an amazing person/friend.
when we first met i wasn't going to bother trying to be with her but that started
change when she started showing me signs of her liking me. shes in some of my
classes and shell look up at me and smile when i look back at her and she does
that numerous amounts of times during the class period. she also will just come
and sit on my lap or when she sees me in the hall way or anywhere for that
matter she smiles so huge and gives me hugs all the time. sometimes i feel like
im in an actual relationship with her minus the kissing part. when we hang out
her sister and brother are usully always there because her sister is in my grade
but older than me and she a grade younger but the same age as me and her
brother is friends with mine and theyre both younger. she often pulls me away
for a little to talk with me alone she also made plans to live with me in the
future. when we're watching a movie or having a sleep over shell hold my hand,
and cuddle with me. one time she even held me and told me to hold her forever
and pulled away and made it seem like she was joking because we usually make
jokes like that to each other. i feel like we flirt all the time but she always makes
it seem like shes joking so i do the same thing back because i dont want to
freak her out. when something happens or shes upset shell always talk to me
about but thats definately just because we are best friends. at lunch a lot of
times shell just want eat alone with me in the stairwell. i know this is a lot and it
may seem like i should know the answer already but its different because i that
stuff is just picked out from the other stuff that makes her seem straight. like
she acts totally boy crazy when were hanging out with another friends and she
sometimes acts that way around me. when we're with other people shell kind of
ignore me and talk to everyone else. one time i had a boyfriend because i was
curious and she seemed really okay with it but then she would ask me so many
questions about us and then she rant on about some other guys. sometimes she
seems like she wants me and then sometimes she doesn't and im totally
confused. i kind of want to tell her i love her but at the same time i dont want to
loose her. id rather have what we have now than not have her at all. can you try
and help me out? i dont know what to do.

Answer
Hello Jackie,

Thank you for your question.

Well, is she an understanding person?

Does she treat you any differently from other girls?

Did you ever catch her staring at you before? Do you notice that she plays with her hair or does some other thing when talking to you? Does she look into your eyes or look away when she's talking to you? Is she always anxious around you? Does she look better or dresses up prettier when she knows that you will be around?

I suggest that you either write a letter to her or continue to give her serious signs like getting intimate with her. Buy her small little gifts but do not go to the expense. You only want to hint your feelings towards her.

I hope that I have helped you and do feel free to write back anytime. I am available here unless I max out.

Good luck & take care,

Jessica

A person doesn't make a conscious choice to be gay. Homosexuality stems from either a learnt behavior or hurts, wounds, issues. Having said that, have you ever been abused (physical, verbal, sexual, emotional)? How about raped or molested? Are your parents divorced? There is no solid scientific proof that gay is a result of chemical imbalance or due to hormones. I believe that homosexuality builds up depending on the environmental factors.

An example: Jim didn't have many friends in school and hang around with the girls only. So, he got picked on and bullied by the boys. However, he found ways that could please his boy classmates and lead them to accepting him. How did Jim please the boys? By maybe doing anything he was asked of. Simple situation of neglect affects psychologically. I know, high level of complexity.

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