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You are here: Experts > Teens > Gay/Lesbian/Bi Teens > Gay/Lesbian/Bi Teens > Why does it have to be confusing?
Expert: Cynthia - 10/31/2009
Question
Dear Cynthia,
Hi, I'm Khristine, and I'm 19. I've had attractions towards girls since the end of fifth grade, but I didn't tell about them till the end of my senior year in high school. I've told many of my friends that I'm probably bi, and almost all of them were ok with it and had pretty good reactions. My parents also know, and they're ok with it. I've only begun to explore my sexual feelings towards girls in this past half a year or so, because before, I didn't even want to go there. It was like a block in my mind. I've always found guys sexually attractive; however, I don't notice guys nearly as much as I notice girls. If anybody says, "oh, that guy's cute," most of the time I never noticed to begin with and I fail to recognize him in a crowd, and when he is pointed out to me, I'm all, "Oh. He's alright." It's a lot harder for me to be attracted to guys than to girls. I'll definitely notice a hot girl in a crowd! Hehe. But, since I've been exploring my sexual feelings for girls, I have found (as of now, anyway), that I'm not as turned on by the thought of having sex with a girl than having sex with a guy. When I masturbate to the thought of a guy, I can come rather quickly; to a girl, very slowly, if at all. I'm beginning to doubt whether I have sexual feelings for girls, or even if I ever had them to begin with. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just kidding myself. But, funnily enough, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl, and I really do want to be in a relationship with one. That kind of took the cake for me, because I decided that if I wanted a long-term relationship with a girl, then I'm probably bi. I really want to hold a girl at night, run my fingers through her hair and massage her. I long for a girl to touch me lovingly and make out all night and go on dates and blah blah blah (I'm feeling all mushy and embarrassed as I type this!)It's just the whole sexual thing that makes me doubt myself again. If I don't feel very sexually turned on by girls, how would a relationship with one turn out? What if I'm just straight? But, maybe I'm just kidding myself with that, because it seems that there's a part of me that doesn't really want to be straight, and it bothers me a bit if people assume that I am straight. I could be kidding myself, because even before I started exploring my sexual feelings for girls, I got immensely turned on by the sight of this girl dancing who was an acquaintance of mine at homecoming. I was never attracted to her to begin with---but she danced so well, much better than I thought she could, and I felt my body freeze up as I was watching her dance, like we were the only two people there. I remember thinking at the time that if I had been able to go into a private room, the thought of her would have made me have a mind-blowing orgasm. There have been other girls where I thought, "oh, if you actually came up to me and asked me to have sex with you, I so would." But these were very fleeting, not long-lasting like with the thought of guys (who I could see myself having a relationship with, and being emotionally as well as sexually attracted to him). I recently got over a crush that I had on one of my straight friends, but I couldn't get excited over the thought of having sex with her. I loved her company, her personality, her body, and I wanted to kiss her so badly, but there were no sexual sparks. She was the first girl that I really explored my sexual feelings with mentally, though, because I didn't really before. So, tell me, I am really bisexual, as I suspect?
Answer
Hi Khristine :)
Now this is a theory I have and I don't know if its completely true but I think unless you have experimented with a girl to have sexual attractions to one. But thats just a thought, I know thats how it worked for me and my friend. If you like girls and want to date them and from what I've read your most likely bisexual but really its what you think. The best way to know is to experiment because then you really know if your sexually attracted to girls, looking at them can only really go so far.
I hope that helps :)
Cynthia
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