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You are here: Experts > Teens > Gay/Lesbian/Bi Teens > Gay/Lesbian/Bi Teens > I need help
Expert: Danielle - 10/21/2009
Question
QUESTION: I'm 13 years old guy and I need help. I know I am a bit too young to be thinking about this yet but I can't get the subject out of my head. I am not sure if I'm bisexual or not. I can imagine kissing both a man and a woman but when it comes to sex having it with a woman seems better than having sex a man. Please help me, I am so confused. If I am bisexual how do I tell my parents( they're pro gay but still)? How will I tell my friends? Will conversations with them be awkward once when I do admit to them I'm bi?
Thank you for taking the time to read and respond to this,
Andrew
ANSWER: Hi Andrew :)
You're never too young.
What do you mean by "better"? That you're only sexually attracted to women, or that you could potentially have sex with a guy but it doesn't seem like it'd be good? Well, if you'd want to kiss someone of both sexes, than presumably you have some sort of attraction to both, and many people with those feelings would identify as bisexual. Don't rush yourself to figure it out, it will only stress you out, and there's no need for something as cool as sexuality to stress you out. You're finding out new things about yourself, and it's always good to have fun exploring that if you can.
Sit down with them, and just let them know. Come right out and say it. Saying something like how it's important for them as your parents for them to know, that you're confiding in them because you trust them, and even though you're still figuring it all out, you want them to know you're bisexual. Just keep it simple, and answer any questions they may have. Especially since it's easy for many people to misunderstand what bisexuality even means. Please let me know if you want more help.
With friends-you can tell a close friend first if you want, then tell the rest either all separately or together. You'll want to do it where you know you are unlikely to be interrupted. If they're cool with it, which hopefully they will be-some may react negatively, but you never really know. Things won't be awkward unless they make it awkward. It's just more about you that htey'll know, and that shouldn't change anything.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: By better I mean more enjoyable. I do think I could have sex with a man and enjoy it but it doesn't seem like it'd be as enjoyable as having sex with a woman.
Is telling my 16 year old brother, once/if I figure out 100% I'm bisexual, before my parents be ok? I trust him very much and I'm pretty sure he'll understand real quick and be fine with it.
Unfortunately all but maybe one of my friends are homophobic, and I'm not even close to that one friend. I don't want to lose them. Should I just not tell them? If I should how do I tell them?
Answer
Oh ok, I 100% understand that.
Of course it's ok! The one rule, to determine whther something's ok with regards to your coming out is: If it's what YOU want-then it's ok. There's no rulebook saying what you have to do and who you have to tell and who to tell first. People do it all kinds of ways. One parent may know LONG before the other, siblings and friends may know years before parents, and everything in between. The fact that you want to tell someone you trust is the main thing, and it sounds like a great idea.
You certainly don't have to tell them. If telling them means losing them, and that's not a risk you want to take, then you shouldn't feel anything bad about not saying anything. They didn't have to debate whether to tell you they're straight or not. You have no obligation. If you want to, one by one might be better, and in a place they're comfortable. The best you can do is tell them, as well as saying that you're still the same friend they've always had, you understand if they don't understand or would rather not discuss it any further, but you felt as a friend you could tell them. Either option is 110% good. It just comes down to what you feel best doing.
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