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Question
I would really like to thank you in advance for helping me out.  Right now is a confusing time in my life for me.

Ok, I am a bisexual 14 year old kid.  I am very humorous and I am a very likable person.  I have a lot of issues going on though.  I knew in sixth grade that I was attracted to both sexes.  I couldn't except it until seventh grade.  I don't mind at all, I am actually very open minded about it.  Well i have been having issues at school.  I decided that coming out to two close friends was ok.  Perfectly fine.  They were two girls that I completely had all trust in and they was two of my closest friends. I told them I was bisexual and they said they were happy that I shared that with them.  They didn't think of me differently and I had a lot of feelings for one of them.  the next week later we made out and she did not have any concern with it.  I was happy.  I felt it lifted my head a little higher.  

I hung out with the popular crowd.  I am the stereo typical jock.  Athletic, I dress nice, I get the girls, and I like to say I am handsome. lol.  I stood out though.  I flew under the radar by playing on numerous sports teams but by also signing up for the school choir.  I loved sports and I love to sing and singing is "gay" at our school.  I am friends with everyone.  I look past social classes and I defy the laws of the stereo typical popular jock.  I am a nice person.  I am a leader and I don't follow.  Well my group picked on a friend of mine that  was female.  Calling her anorexic saying she was so skinny that she looked wrong.  They also attacked another female friend of mine.  Posting pictures of monkeys on a social networking site saying it was her family.  (She is of African American ethnicity.)  Well since no one else stuck up for them I did.  I personally attacked each an everyone of them.  Telling them I am done upholding the image of a perfect person.  I called each an everyone fake, including myself, and I grabbed my lunch tray and sat next to the two girls they attacked.  My two male friends followed me.

I was fine with my choice.  Well because I disowned the group I started to get mean and hateful comments.  I was called every name in the book.  Speculations of me being gay were soon brought up because I started eating lunch with girls.  It was so immature.  I didn't mind.  In the hallway I heard one kid talking about my sexuality.  I snapped.  I turned and yelled why does it matter to you anyways and I left.  I am currently being bullied but I do not care honestly.  I occasionally make a remark to them to protect myself.  I don't want to be looked at as weak.  It works.  

I have a friend, who I was very close to last year.  I am still friends with him just not as close.  Very cute and tall.  He basically sums up the definition of the perfect guy for me.  I really liked him for a long time but I stopped.  I thought pursuing my feelings were pointless do to the fact of my lack of knowledge in his sexual preference.  I have always been unsure.  We talk a lot. He touched me in my crotch area quite a lot.  He talks like he is gay sometimes.  He does things in which a gay man might do.  But I don't know if it is for real or just too get a laugh out of me and other people.  We would pretend we were each others boyfriends and we tell my sister friends that we were dating and we would ask if they approved in a joking matter.  He would tell me he would want to have sex with me right now or he would make a remark about something he wanted to do to me.  He also humped me quite a lot also.  A lot of things he did turned me on.  But I don't know if it is for real.  I do stuff in a gay manner to get a laugh out of people also but I want an opinion on whether he is gay or bi.  He seems like a person that would be open minded about it like me.  We have many things a like.

I don't want to come out just yet.  Not that I am afraid.  More like I don't feel like I am ready.  I have came out to a few people and I am totally fine with it.  I am working on my parents.  They don't frown upon homosexuality but they also don't exactly approve.  They often make careless remarks about it but I don't get offended because they don't know.  They have to see some homosexuality in me because I don't exactly hide my habits.  

My questions are though:  Advice on coming out a few people at a time,  and Does he sound like he is Gay, Straight, Bi...

I would appreciate it if you helped me.  And if you have any other advice for me I would be more than happy too take it.

Answer
Hey Joe, it's nice to hear from you.

First of all, congrats on coming out to yourself and realizing that you are in fact Bi. I'm sure it wasn't always an easy process, so you deserve a lot of credit for that.

It's very good that you stood up for your two friends. Even if you weren't friends with a lot of people I'd still think you made the right decision of cutting out the people who did those mean things to your friends. Basically, people are a lot like food; they can affect us overall either positively or negatively. For example in food, a salad may have a dressing that isn't that great for your body, but you'd be getting a lot of vegetables so that would be overall good for your body. On the other side, if you were to have a burger at a fast food restaurant, it may have a piece of lettuce or a tomato on it, but it's still overall bad for you. The people that you were hanging out with when they made fun of your friend would obviously of overall affected you negatively and not bring out the best in you. I think it's great that you cut them out of your life and if you could use the time you would be hanging out with them, and instead use that time to meet new friends or be even better friends to the ones you have now, then that would be a really great idea.

The students at your school that was picking on you (and likely others as well) are probably starting to connect the dots about your sexuality. When you were getting picked on and replied with "what does it matter to you anyways?" instead of something like "this is dumb" you might have given yourself away a little bit. The best thing you can do right now is to make sure you have a great group of friends that you trust who are around you, and if it gets out of control you should reach out for help at your school.

I think this guy is into you a lot. If you were at a dance club where straight and gay guys go to, and a guy comes up to you and he feels around your crotch, humped you quite a lot, and even tells you that he wants to have sex with you; I think it's safe to say he'd be one of the gay guys at the club. This guy sounds like he's making lots of moves to find out if youíre interested or not. If youíre interested, tell him or initiate a move back to him. Since he doesn't know your Bi, he's probably trying to figure out if youíre interested or if he's just wasting his time. It would be a good idea that you told him your Bi (if you trust him enough to tell him that is) and that he turns you on and go from there. You'd probably do something more than dry humping after that if you both wanted to. If anything does happen, be sure to use protection and wear a condom. It is possible to get very sick if you don't wear one and I'm not sure what your education is on them, but be sure to use one if anything more happens.

With this guy, and the girl that you made out with; you should make sure that everyone understands very clearly how interested you are in them and what you would like to do with them in the future. If you made out with a girl, she might think that youíre serious about a relationship with her and if you play around with a guy he might think that itís just sex and thatís it. Be sure to talk about what your expectations will be and what you would like to happen before anything begins. If you want to make out with a girl and do or donít want a relationship, make sure she knows that before making out with her. If you want to play around with a guy and do or donít want a relationship him make sure he knows about that and is OK with it before you both do anything. You could easily damage the friendship with them if they feel that they were being misled, so thatís why itís important that everyone knows what it will lead to if anything.

As for coming out, I recommend that people you come out to first be the ones that you know will be supportive of you being Bi. The first couple of times you come out, you want to be sure you aren't likely to get any nasty surprises. You can then use these people that you just told as your support group and then move on to the more challenging people who you want to tell. You will likely be on a bit of an emotional roller coaster, and it would be great if your support group were there to keep you a bit more consistent as much as possible. Another reason why I feel this way is best is because you will find out what works best for you. For example, you might find that if you do something before you come out to someone and do something to relax a little bit that it goes better for you, or you might find that you would rather tell them in person rather than on Facebook. Find out what works best for you and use that as a guide when coming out to other people in the future. Also, I suggest that every time you come out to someone, it would be nice if you rewarded yourself in some way. It doesnít have to be in a big expensive way, but if you were to pat yourself on the back and take yourself to the movies for something you want to see that would be really nice. If you decide to take my advice and go this route, you should probably wait to come out to your parents and instead tell more people who you know would be very likely to be supportive of you being Bi. Unfortunately, coming out isn't something that we do once and never have to do it again. As we get older, more and more people will enter and leave our life. We will constantly have to decide whether or not to come out to these new people or not. I can tell you, that eventually it does get easier. If you have a great support group and really good friends, you might be surprised if someone doesn't take the news well, but in the end you'll be just fine.

There's one more thing I'd like to touch on real quick. It kind of applies to you right now, but I want to make sure that you have a little nudge going in the right direction in the future. From your question to me, it sounds like youíre quite the catch. Your athletic, you got lots of confidence, you stand up for your friends and not care what others think. My point is that if you were to come out of the closet and go to a gay club when youíre older, you'd probably have no shortage of guys wanting to dance with you and really want to get to know you. The one thing you shouldn't do during this time is to believe your own hype and develop an ego. Developing an ego would be a very bad thing to do. In general, those who have a big ego and think very highly of themselves are usually the most sensitive among us. I know a guy who never got turned down and finally did get rejected at Pride one year at a dance club. After he got rejected he was crying in the club and just couldn't stop. He went back and stayed in his hotel room all weekend, wouldnít come out to celebrate Pride and had an absolute awful time. This guy believed the hype that he was God's gift to bi/gay men because of all the attention he was getting, and when he finally did get rejected it all came crashing down on him and he didn't know how to handle it. I don't want that to happen to anybody, but unfortunately it happens on a regular basis in the gay community. All I can really suggest is that you continue to be friends with everybody (even gay guys who youíre not attracted to) and be a little humble when accepting praise or attention from others. Donít think that youíre a really great guy, instead be a really great guy, and sometimes that means not getting praise for great things that you have done.

Good luck with everything, but I don't think you'll need it at all. If I can help any further, please feel free to respond back with a follow-up. :)

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Josh Hawkins

Expertise

I am a gay man and a recent graduate of an Adult Psychology program and graduated with honors. As a result, I would like to assist anyone out there with any type of challenge that they may be facing. Before I list the type of questions that I may answer, I would like to encourage as many follow-up questions as possible. I'm not here to help you once and leave. I'm here to help you with your challenge every step of the way, until it's 100% completed. Some of the examples of types of questions that I may answer for you include: coming out, various questions of the gay community as a whole, negative feedback, how to handle stress and the emotional roller coaster you may be on.

Experience

I have studied in the post secondary education program of Adult Psychology taught at International Career School Canada. While studying in this program, I have learned comprehensive knowledge on a wide variety of psychology topics. Some examples of the types of topics covered in the program were: learning about the views of emotion & how it is linked to motivation, how we learn and the long term effects based on it, the process in which we think and how we affect others with it, how to control stress, how we are all individually different, our personality behavior, how to improve and change our behavior, and how others affect our feelings and happiness.

Education/Credentials
I have graduated with honors in the Adult Psychology program at International Career School Canada. I also have a second major in General Business, completed in College. In High School I have earned: The Business Certificate, a Certificate of Outstanding Achievement in Science, and a Certificate of Outstanding Achievement in Religion.

Awards and Honors
I have graduated in my Adult Psychology program with Highest Honors and a 97% overall average.

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