You are here:

Gay/Lesbian/Bi Teens/Confused about my sexuality?


Okay, well, Im Sara. Im 18, and I have a boyfriend. Lets call him Jack. Hes 26 (I know, bit of an age difference, but it works just fine. Its not weird to me or anyone else who knows us), and hes wonderful. I identify as bisexual, and my boyfriend knows and hes completely fine with it. I met him about 8 months ago, and at the time I only wanted to date girls. Ive never actually dated a girl, but I was convinced that I didnt want any more relationships with guys. However, because I told him that I was bisexual, he continually tried to win me over. I fell for him pretty quickly, and weve been together for a little over 5 months. Hes wonderful. Hes sweet, and caring, and understands me and hes always there for me. I really love him a lot. We have had sex and its enjoyable. He does turn me on quite a lot.

Lately though, Ive been really confused again about my sexuality, wondering if this is what I really want. Ive been thinking Well what if I would be happier with a girl. I also may or may not have a pretty big crush on his friend Amanda. Shes 18, too, and bisexual as well, and shes so beautiful and sweet and funny and shes a force of personality. Shes great and Ive sort of developed a crush on her recently. :/ Jack has even said to me I think Amanda has a crush on you. Shes ALWAYS gushing about you. To me. To other people. CONSTANTLY. I keep wondering if Im missing out on what would make me happiest. However, I really do love Jack, and it would kill me to hurt him. Hes always saying how no one has ever made him as happy as I do, and he wants me for the rest of his days and everything, and how without me, hes an empty shell of a person. I would feel AWFUL hurting him. I never want to do that, because I really do love him a lot.

Im really confused, though. I dont want to break up with Jack, because what if its just a phase? Then Ive destroyed a wonderful relationship and hurt him for no reason. But how can I know if Id rather be with a girl if I dont go out and do something about it? I would never cheat on Jack, but I dont want to break up with him and hurt him like that, especially if Im not even sure. And what do I do about my crush on his friend Amanda? What do I do? Please please help. I cant sleep at night because I cant stop thinking about this. :/ What if Im actually a lesbian? Lesbians can love a man, right? But then they always say that they love who he is, and not his gender? And then they spend forever wishing they were with a female? That scares me, because Im afraid what I have could turn into that. I am happy with my boyfriend Its just sometimes I think about girls when were in the act and it feels like Im missing something by giving up my opportunity to find a girl to be with. Which sounds terrible, but I dont mean it like that. I just feel like I could be happier with a girl. But I dont know what to do because I love my boyfriend

Hi Sara, gosh let me apologise first of all. I had trouble with my account and didn't get notifications when I had questions pending so I wasn't aware of your message until now!

Perhaps the best place to start is to ask you how things are right now?

In any case, I'll dish out some advice for you based on your previous question.

I think humans will always be curious of the things they haven't tried. When it comes to sexuality if someone has a proclivity in them then they will always have a tendency to veer off towards that. Flip things around, if you were with a girl do you think you'd have the same yearnings for a man?

Your bf sounds like a great guy. Putting gender aside for now, imagine that Amanda was Jack's male friend. How would things be different if you felt you both had a crush on each other? I think the taboo and intrigue of trying something different i.e. a girl, might be clouding your judgement as to whether to pursue something with Amanda. Simply put, I'd advise not to get with your bf's friends - it's good practise not to do this as it can cause a lot of chaos.

As for your exploring your sexuality well, I think it will bug you to not experiment and discover this side of you. There are many lifestyles people could try out. I don't know if an open relationship/threesomes with girls are an option for you guys. If it isn't then I'd say remind yourself why you like Jack so much and try to make peace that you're with someone you love. I appreciate you didn't plan on getting together but the fact that he attracted you despite your reservations might speak volumes about your relationship.

Anyway, this advice might not even be valid anymore so do let me know what's new in your life at this moment and I'll update my advice accordingly.


Gay/Lesbian/Bi Teens

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Chrissy S


I can answer questions relating to coming out, relationships, dealing with men/women in romantic contexts and general anxieties about dating. I can also answer questions with self-confidence and presenting yourself well i.e. "love coaching" to make yourself as eligible as possible. I've also had a lot of examples when things have gone 'badly' and can advise how to make the best of things and get back on your feet.


Being openly bisexual I have experience in dealing with men and women and the nuances of being in relationships with both. I also am a bit of an old-fashioned romantic so have ideas and suggestions for dates and surprises, romantic etiquette and fun tailored to both men and women taken from my own experience (good & bad). I've also had many interesting adventures in the dating world which have given me a bit of rounded perspective with things. And having graduated from Uni I too am experiencing a transition from college to 'real world' dating which shapes my view on things. I've gone from a sofa Romeo to a real one (matter of opional!) which has taught me much about applying oneself to romance.

University LGBT Society.

University and Masters graduate in Literature and Film Studies so I am well-read which gives me somewhat of a grounded 'academic' view on things. I've also read many books on Love, dating and related subjects. Likewise with movies. I'm also a bit of an old-fashioned nerd so am quite into a good date and know some hotspots in London, not to mention a good love poem which never went awry. Avid believer and reader of personal development materials so can help people with self-improvement or at least refer them to a useful book.

©2016 All rights reserved.