Gay/Lesbian/Bi Teens/Sexuality

Advertisement


Question
Hi,
Okay so I've been having trouble with my sexuality, I get confused about it sometimes. I'm bi but other times its like I don't want to be bi, I sometimes wonder if I really am gay or not. I like girls but I've only dated two girls in my whole life, and dated guys more often and when I date a guy I feel happy and comfortable being with them.
Any advice?

Answer
Hi there, my fellow Josh. It's great to hear from you.

It's completely normal to be confused about your sexuality at your age. More young adults go through it then will admit to it. As a personal rule, I suggest that you date someone only if you are certain of your sexuality. If you want to experiment with people, you can choose to do that (assuming it's done safely and everyone is over the age of consent) without leading the other person on and risk breaking their heart. If you’re unsure of your sexuality you run the risk of leading someone on unintentionally and ruining what could have been an excellent relationship with them

One thing that jumped out at me in your question is where you mention that you don't want to be Bi. Why is that? This would be something I suggest you resolve first before you date any more people. If you’re Bi, there's not much else to it. Feelings aren't something that you can bury and forget about. If you try to do that, they will surface again and again until you deal with them. Whatever you feel, I hope you allow all of your emotions to surface and give attention to every one of them.

Before we go any farther, I want to make sure we're on the same page for our definitions...
Straight - Someone who is aroused only by someone of the opposite sex
Gay/Lesbian - Someone who is aroused only by someone of the same sex
Bi - Someone who is aroused by both members of the sex

Now that we went over the definitions, I'd like to tell you why they are becoming more and more outdated and therefore irrelevant. Not everyone fits neatly into 1 of the 3 labels above, so it's wrong to force someone to choose how to describe themselves. For example, there is someone very close to me who is a male, married a woman and realized that he couldn't be with her anymore and had to be with men instead. They had 2 kids, got divorced and since that time he's only been dating men. If we use the labels above, you would see that none of them would accurately describe him. He wouldn't be Straight because he's now into other guys. He wouldn't be Gay because there was a time where he was only into women. Finally, he wouldn't be Bi, because has absolutely no attraction to women right now whatsoever. If someone were to ask him his sexuality he would tell them that he has 2 wonderful children from a prior marriage, and is now only into men. He would tell them who he's into without assigning a label to himself since it wouldn't accurately apply to him.

If you’re interested in the theory behind this, keep reading this paragraph. If you could do without the extra info, please feel free to skip it...
The theory to why this is called the Kinsey Scale of Sexuality. In this theory, there are the numbers 1-10 on a scale (it's actually 1-5 but I'm doing 1-10 to show the difference better). 1 would be exclusively heterosexual and 10 would be exclusive homosexual (we could assume 5 is someone who is Bi and likes both genders equally). Numbers 1 & 10 is so incredibly rare that they don't really apply to anybody. 99.9% of the people are somewhere between a 2-9. If your Bi, that doesn't mean that you like each gender equally. You may think of yourself as a 4-6 depending on how much you like one gender over the other at the time. Over time, our sexuality can change. It's not set in stone, which is another reason why labels can be misleading.

At the end of the day, if your happiest when you date guys, then I say go for it. Only after however, you work out why you occasionally feel like you don't want to be Bi.

I'd wish you luck with everything, but I know you won't need it.

If I can help any further, feel free to send me a follow-up message.

Josh :)

Gay/Lesbian/Bi Teens

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Josh Hawkins

Expertise

I am a gay man and a recent graduate of an Adult Psychology program and graduated with honors. As a result, I would like to assist anyone out there with any type of challenge that they may be facing. Before I list the type of questions that I may answer, I would like to encourage as many follow-up questions as possible. I'm not here to help you once and leave. I'm here to help you with your challenge every step of the way, until it's 100% completed. Some of the examples of types of questions that I may answer for you include: coming out, various questions of the gay community as a whole, negative feedback, how to handle stress and the emotional roller coaster you may be on.

Experience

I have studied in the post secondary education program of Adult Psychology taught at International Career School Canada. While studying in this program, I have learned comprehensive knowledge on a wide variety of psychology topics. Some examples of the types of topics covered in the program were: learning about the views of emotion & how it is linked to motivation, how we learn and the long term effects based on it, the process in which we think and how we affect others with it, how to control stress, how we are all individually different, our personality behavior, how to improve and change our behavior, and how others affect our feelings and happiness.

Education/Credentials
I have graduated with honors in the Adult Psychology program at International Career School Canada. I also have a second major in General Business, completed in College. In High School I have earned: The Business Certificate, a Certificate of Outstanding Achievement in Science, and a Certificate of Outstanding Achievement in Religion.

Awards and Honors
I have graduated in my Adult Psychology program with Highest Honors and a 97% overall average.

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.