Gay/Lesbian/Bi Teens/he wants me but
QUESTION: Hi i'm mick &i'm bi.the guy i'm in love with is kind of more caring towards me.He feels that i'm addicted/more attached to him.
To understand things better i'm giving some small flashback.
we worked in same company.we both missed ourselves alot when i went on a 12days vacation.But he loves me more,we had sex & everything.But he kind of kept his distance from me since i returned back from vacation.my hometown is 16ookm away from his place.He maintained distance with me , i felt lonely all the time.but he'll be behaving normal at times&after getting drunk he used to be the regular one.we had sex at times.But it was never the same.so after 6 months i left the place & found another job in my hometown.He expressed that the reason for him ignoring me was that being with him was bad for me .He expressed this when i left the company.(a lot of times after getting drunk he expressed clues of this but i didnt understand it then).
Now we're just texting & talking in phone.We both are terribly upset that we separated.I decided to go see him 5 or 6 times a year.
Also he is aquarius sun(this will explain a lot ),i'm leo sun,pisces moon.he never shows his feelings.
All the time i called him he misses me a lot.I told him i'm coming to see him for his birthday 15th feb.After knowing that he was the only reason i'm coming there he said No.He really wants me to come but still has thoughts that it's bad for me to be with him.
How to solve this issue?how to explain this to him?i can manage myself but he's over caring.i'm ready to go see him .everythings ready.we're both 24.I can't lose him,he too feels the same.
ANSWER: Hi there Mick, it's nice to hear from you.
Sorry in advance, because this probably won't be what you want to hear; but I think I have a bit of bad news for you...
What you’re in right now is not a relationship. Relationships are not 50% from each person; they are 100% from each person. This individual does not sound like he is putting anywhere close to 100% in you at the moment, especially since he said that being with him is bad for you. I'm pretty sure he wants you to read between the lines and see that he'll only hurt you if you stay with him. I wouldn't be surprised either, if he has a new guy in his life and doesn't want you to be at his birthday because the new guy would be there and it would be uncomfortable for everyone if you both were there.
My advice is to be just friends with him and support each other from there. If he wants space, then give him space. Begging him to be more than just friends or trying to convince him isn't going to work. Nobody ever learned to like someone from someone else; they feel it from themselves, so save your dignity and don't do it. Give him some space to feel it and to miss you. If he really cares about you, I'm sure you'll be more then friends with him again in no time. Not going to his Birthday is probably a smart idea. You deserve better answers then what you've been getting and it would be great if he realized that he missed you at it and perhaps make a move with you in the future. If you both want to try dating (after you've been friends) when your both single you can always re-visit this again in the future, but in the meantime it's safe to say that he's not treating you like the special person you are, and therefore; you deserve better from the guy that your into.
Sorry again for the bad news. If I'm able to help any further, feel free to send me a follow-up on this website.
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QUESTION: When asked for the reason he told that he knew i couldn't live without him.He knew that i will have to leave him someday & it would be hard for both to separate, especially for me.He was right i feel that much close to him. but i can take care of myself.Can i talk to him about seeing for his birthday?I'm pretty sure he wants to see me but he's a thought that i need not travel this much far for seeing him.I'm thinking of going anyway.your opinion is needed.
Hi Mick, it's nice to hear from you again.
If he doesn't want you to go to his Birthday, then as hard as it may be, you should respect his wishes and not go. Send him an email instead that day and tell him you wish him the best for the next year. If this guy doesn't want to get close to you because he doesn't want to do a long distance relationship when you two are separated, it's pretty much case closed. Not everyone wants to do a long distance relationship, and just because you would be willing to do it doesn't mean he would be too.
I suggest that when you feel ready to do so, you begin looking into dating other guys who are much closer to you and who you’re interested in. It's best if you invest all this time and energy into someone who you have a chance for more with, and not someone who's telling you they don't want to be with you because you’re too far away.
I'm sorry to have to tell you this, I really am. But I feel that you want the truth and only then can the healing and recovery begin.
If I'm able to help any further, please feel free to send me a follow-up on this website.