Gay/Lesbian/Bi Teens/Confused


I'm a 19 year old girl, and starting to figure out who and what I am. Lately I'm having strong feelings towards a girl at my school. I've never been with girls (or boys sexually) before but I've had crushes on girls before. This girl is 2 years younger than me, which means that I've never talked to her properly (I got introduced to her once, but I was really drunk). However, I'm so fascinated by her! I can't stop staring at her! The thing is, she stares back sometimes.. One time we had a class together (we as the oldest were going to learn them stuff). We were going to do some experiments, and was in in each our group. I'm focused at the work, and doesn't notice but my friend says afterwards that she kept staring at me looking at me up and down. My friend doesn't know I like her.. However, since then we smile at each other when we see each other in school but she's a the popular type and smiles to so many.. Anyways the other day I went to the same gig as her and we weare seated close to each other. She's faced towards me talking to two of her friends, me to my friends. I can't help it, I might have looked a bit too much over in her direction but then se looks me very deeply in my eyes and smiles hugely. I'm a very shy person so I can't keep the eye contact for long but I smiled back. It stood out because it was so obvious, compared to the other times. The problem is, it's my final year in school and I only have 10 days left in school and one party, and then I'll never see her again! I'm afraid of taking the first step starting a conversation with her. I'm afraid of what other people would think, cause I'm 2 years older than her. What can I do, and does the staring thing even mean that she likes me in the same way I do?

However, when it comes to my prior love experiences (very few, I'm not good at it) I have felt attracted to boys, I was, or at least I thought so having a mad crush on a guy from school for years. Nevertheless, when we finally kissed, it didn't give me that wow feeling.. But when I look at her I mean I can't get enough, it's very different from the guy.. I really want to contact her, but I'm so shy..

I really hope you can help

(Btw. She talks to a lot of guys, but it seems that its in a more friendly way, I've never seen her with a boy in a romantic way)

- the confused one.

Hi Astrid, thanks for writing. It sounds like you've put a lot of thought into your message and have been very observant with this girl. I think it is useful to notice how she acts with others as this is a comparison of how she acts towards you. The fact that she is popular but doesn't engage as intensely with boys or girls, like she does with you might suggest that there is something more going on.

If you really want to start a conversation with her, I would use Facebook as a good tool for that. Since you're leaving school shortly I bet there are some parties that will take place. Or if not, this would be a great excuse to set up a group with your friends to organise a celebration. Using this you can then add her as a friend in order to invite her (and her friends, otherwise it will be suspicious) to the event.

Hopefully this will open the doors to communication. If you are shy perhaps speaking to her online is a good route to getting to know her. Then she may also attend the party, and you two won't be strangers and can talk easier.

Perhaps the more important issue is if you're leaving shortly do you want to continue to see her? Often leaving school is a great opportunity to reinvent yourself. I don't know your situation but if you're going to university or moving out of home, this could be a clean break to explore and discover parts of yourself such as your sexuality, away from people who know this current version of yourself.

And of course, if you do have her on Facebook you can always contact her in the future if you wish to.

In my personal experience, I have learnt that being 19 means a lot of freedom and of course crushes come and go. But finding a person whom you have a real, deep and personal bond with is much rarer. So my advice would be to have fun if you want but reserve your real affections for those who deserve your entire attention.

Hope that helps somewhat :)


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Chrissy S


I can answer questions relating to coming out, relationships, dealing with men/women in romantic contexts and general anxieties about dating. I can also answer questions with self-confidence and presenting yourself well i.e. "love coaching" to make yourself as eligible as possible. I've also had a lot of examples when things have gone 'badly' and can advise how to make the best of things and get back on your feet.


Being openly bisexual I have experience in dealing with men and women and the nuances of being in relationships with both. I also am a bit of an old-fashioned romantic so have ideas and suggestions for dates and surprises, romantic etiquette and fun tailored to both men and women taken from my own experience (good & bad). I've also had many interesting adventures in the dating world which have given me a bit of rounded perspective with things. And having graduated from Uni I too am experiencing a transition from college to 'real world' dating which shapes my view on things. I've gone from a sofa Romeo to a real one (matter of opional!) which has taught me much about applying oneself to romance.

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University and Masters graduate in Literature and Film Studies so I am well-read which gives me somewhat of a grounded 'academic' view on things. I've also read many books on Love, dating and related subjects. Likewise with movies. I'm also a bit of an old-fashioned nerd so am quite into a good date and know some hotspots in London, not to mention a good love poem which never went awry. Avid believer and reader of personal development materials so can help people with self-improvement or at least refer them to a useful book.

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