Gay/Lesbian/Bi Teens/My crush and I kissed and now she is being distant .
So I meet this girl and the minute I see her I like her. I can't stop thinking about her, I dream about her, I mean all day she's on my mind. We become friends that same day and our friendship grows and although I'm happy about that I can't help but have really strong feelings for her. She does some things though that make me think she likes me, like she plays with my hand, or sleeps really close to me. She visited my mom when she was in the hospital and brought her flowers, but brought me some as well. She gave me a really long, slow massage a few weeks ago. So I thought she was straight and kind of flirting a little and then she tells me she's bi. So there goes my head! I start actually hoping this could happen. So last Saturday my parents invite her to this cookout at my dads friends house. We go, we get drunk, we have a good time. We were outside talking and both of us had plenty to drink at this point and her face is super close to mine suddenly. I turn away because I got embarrassed but suddenly I feel this urge to just tell her. So I tell her I'm having a hard time trying not to kiss her and she flat out says why don't you. So I did. We made out for a long time and she even spent the night at my house. She was telling me how she's never felt a connection like this with anyone and that she tried to tell me lots of times. So we go to work the next day and we hold hands under the desk, our goodbye hug is longer than usual, and she blows me a kiss. The next few days are similar and then it just stops. She won't hold my hand, she won't kiss me, she won't even talk about what happened. I don't know if she's out yet, so that may be reason for her hesitation but she won't even talk to me anymore when we used to text all the time. I just want to know what's going on with her, and if there is still a chance for us. I mean she's still my friend but she won't talk about it at all. You may think she is playing me or it was just a one time thing, but in our way back from that party she and I just stated at each other in the back seat of my brothers car. We shared a kiss or two but mostly it was just eye contact and caressing. Please help me.
Hi Stephanie, thanks for writing and apologies for the delay. I was out of town and just got back.
From your message it sounds like your friend has got cold feet. This may be for a few reasons.
1) Perhaps she wasn't really bisexual and was attracted to just you/or just drunk. You guys had a connection, a flirt and some fun. You kissed and now reality is setting in and she is realizing that perhaps a girl relationship isn't for her.
2) She really is bisexual or has true feelings for girls/for you but because it is new and strange to her that she has to still come to terms with it. We often think that when a person isn't "out" that they can't be open. But we forget that the most important relationship firstly is the one we have with ourselves. She may not be "out" to herself i.e. accept that she has sexual feelings for women. This process takes time and maturity to reach the level of being OK and embracing it.
3) Maybe there is something else going on in her life. Perhaps a personal situation or maybe something that is stopping her from pursuing things with you. Maybe she knows her family wouldn't be OK or her friends. Maybe she's due to move somewhere else. There could be a ton of unknown variables that is causing her distance.
The reasons could be many or combination but all we are doing is speculating what the cause is. You'll never really know until you guys get to talk. The problem is she is avoiding all communication at this time.
My advice would be to give her some time to herself. Whatever is going on means she can't talk but in most cases a little time is what is needed to settle someone and let them open up. If it's taking too long, a friendly text or message should do.
If it gets to a point of long term avoidance though, I'd say the responsibility lies on you to decide whether you want to cut your losses. But since that point isn't there yet, take it one step at a time.
I know how distressing this can be as I have also experienced this in my life. What I learnt is that you can never make anyone do anything. You just have to support them as much as they let you. It is up to her to let you in or not. Your job is just to lead your life as best as you can and show her that you are the sort of person (romantic or platonic) that she can turn to if and when she is ready.
Hope that helps,