I am a boy who has a serious mind screwing issue. I like men, I don't like regular women, but I do like transgendered women. I find men very attractive and I also find transgendered women very attractive. so I guess my question is am I gay/bi/ or whatever?
Hi Andrew, it's nice to hear from you.
It is very easy to understand why you would be confused as to if you are Straight, Bi or Gay. Unfortunately, there is no easy answer that I can give to you. Sexuality is fluid meaning that who you are attracted to can change over time to the point where the Straight, Bi and Gay labels really don't apply. I'd like to tell you about someone who is very close to me because I think it'll help you understand what I mean better..
Someone who is very close to me married a woman when he was young. He had 2 kids with her, and 1 day decided to be honest and tell her that he is no longer attracted to any women, and instead only men. He is now dating only men. If we were to look at the labels and try to assign one to him, it would become very difficult to do so.
He wouldn't be Straight, because he left his wife and is now dating only men.
He wouldn't be Bi, because he has no feelings for women at all right now (if he did he says he would have stayed with his wife).
He wouldn't be Gay either because he did have 2 kids with his ex-wife after all, so that wouldn't be accurate either since there were some initial attraction.
As you can see, none of the labels really accurately describes him, however when people asks who he's into, he is honest and says that even though he has an ex-wife and 2 kids, he is now interested in only guys. This is better because it is a more accurate description to who he has feelings for, and he is able to avoid putting a label on himself that would not be completely accurate with who he really is.
Usually whenever I get questions on this website it's when someone would like some assistance with who they're attracted to (questioning their sexuality and would like some tips for it). You are not questioning your sexuality, because you already know who you are into. If anybody asks what you like (and you’re at a point where you’re out) tell them that you are into men and transgendered women and avoid labeling yourself. Some teenagers might not be able to understand why you like transgendered women, but as you get older, you get more freedom with who you hang out with. Those friends of yours (once you have more selection) should be fine with it.
Labels are a way of boxing people into certain categories, when it's not always that simple (such as with you). In my opinion, labels may have once been helpful many years ago; however I feel that they have become old and outdated. I would much rather have people say "I like ___." rather then depend on labels to describe themselves, because I don't feel that it's fair to people like you or that person close to me that I told you about.
I have two final points that I would like to stress before I complete my response.
The first is to not limit yourself to labels that society would like to place on you. You know who you are into, and appear to be accepting of yourself. Being able to do those two things mean way more than any label that you could possibly put on yourself.
Second, I encourage you to own it. Be proud of liking men and transgendered women. I know of some men who likes men, and I also know transgendered people. I would like very much for all of them to be as happy as possible. If you and a man or transgendered woman makes each other happy, go as far with it as you can; as long as you’re both comfortable with what's going on.
Life's too short, not to do otherwise!
If I can help any further, please don't hesitate to send me a follow-up message back at this website.