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Gay/Lesbian/Bi Teens/I don't know what to do anymore.. Hurt

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Me and my girlfriend were together for 2years, she has my name tattooed and everything! We were in love! We broke up 4months ago, because we kept arguing and she got mad because every time we would get into it... I would break up with her, but we would get back together like an hour later. 4months ago seemed like everything changed. We broke up for 4months; it was the longest we had ever broken up. We would still talk and argue but it would be like she didnít care anymore. When I would try to see her to fix things, she always would make excuses like she was tired from work or she had to work. But I would always find out she was out with her friends or at parties, etc. She even hung out with people that she knows I donít like and they donít like me. One day, I logged on her Instagram and caught her liking this one girls picture.. When I checked her about it, she changed her password and made a stupid lie to reason why she changed her password. Jan 3rd, we hung out.. She told me she signed up for the army and when we first got together, I told her that was something I didnít want. I caught an attitude because I felt that was very hurtful to do, even out if we were together or not. I went home, and received a text saying, Basically She hopes they shoot her dead in the army and sheís going.. We havenít spoken since Jan 3. Itís crazy because the 3rd is our anniversary. I still lurk her page, and itís like she doesnít care about me.. Sheís been talking to other girls and we still havenít spoken. This new girl was the same girl she was liking all her pics on Instagram and I caught her.. This new girl is pretty but doesnít know if she is for sure gay, she just got out of a relationship like 2days ago with a boy she claimed she was in love with, but I guess she cheated. And I think she is going to try and get serious with my ex. Itís like my ex-girlfriend doesnít care anymore, but I donít know why I still do.. Iíve tried to move on but I canít, all I do is cry.. Itís like I miss her and us, but I get mad every time I think about how bold she has been treating me.The day we start talking was February 23, and Itís coming up, Itís messed up because we havenít been talking and probably still wonít.. Iíve tried to be strong, but all I do is cry.. Shes really moving on.. That was the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and now itís like she doesnít want or care about me anymore/

Answer
Hi Jailyn,
I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going through. I've been through it myself. Spent days, weeks, years in love with someone who was not in love with me and it was the most painful thing I've ever experienced.
I wish I had some magic cure to either get you back with her or make you get over her quickly, but the only person that can help you, is you.
The best thing to do is also the hardest, which is to focus on other things. I know it's touch to do that and even when you try you will backslide sometimes. But we can't control who loves us. We will never be happy or at peace until we admit that, and let the idea that we can control it, go. You have to let her go. Maybe not forever, but for now. You have to let her go for two purposes: 1. yourself, and 2. any hope of a future relationship.
1. You will be much happier and at peace if you focus on what you can control, like school, work, hobbies, things that make you at least a little bit happy.
2. Heartbreak is so so difficult and it turns you into a person that is different from the girl she fell in love with 2 years ago. This person you are now, that logs into her instagram without her approval, that is clingy and asking to get back with her, that won't let her go... that is not the same girl she fell for. How do you expect her to find her feelings for you again if you are someone completely different?
I can't say that she will ever feel the same way again, or that you guys will ever get back together, but I do know for sure it won't happen until she sees a change in you. When she sees that you've let her go, that you are happy and independent and focusing on the things that make you happy, she will see the girl she fell for a few years back, and at the very least you two will be able to move on with your lives.
It's tough. Take it one day at a time. What can you do today to grow as a human being, to get yourself closer to who you want to be, and what you want to do for the world? For me, it was going to college. I took that step for me, because it was what I could control, and I've been much happier and independent sense then. I met my spouse after my attitude changed, when I let go of the bitterness for things I couldn't control, and focused on myself and what I wanted. He saw in me the happiness that I had searched for, which made him fall for me.
Seek out what makes you happy Jailyn, and the rest will fall into place
Love,
Ashley

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Ashley Morgan

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Being a girl myself, I really prefer questions from girls, as that's where I have the experience. I will do my best to answer your questions about your sexuality; specializing in female masturbation and gay/bi fantasies, including what healthy masturbation and sexual activity with the same sex is, what may be unhealthy, or when you may need more time before taking that next step. Also when masturbating or sexual activity with other girls may cross the line to sex, and how to handle gay/bi feelings while in your family whether it's coming out to your parents, or comparing notes with siblings or children

Experience

I am a Master's Student in Developmental Psychology and have focused most of my classes and research on healthy sexual development. I have helped younger siblings, friends, cousins and now my pre-teen daughter embrace masturbation and safe sexuality in a healthy and vibrant way.

Organizations
Counseling/soup kitchen volunteer organization and several teen puberty forums where I hope to offer advice

Education/Credentials
B.A. in Psychology at an Indiana University. One year of Masters classes.

Awards and Honors
Dean's list, 8 semesters.

Past/Present Clients
Family (siblings and my daughter), friends, cousins, and those I've met online

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