Gay/Lesbian/Bi Teens/Confusion about guy


QUESTION: Hello, Anna, it's Thomas from the question "Does he like me, or did I screw up my chances with him?" I've chosen to accept the fact that the guy in that question was just toying with my feelings for him, to use them as a way to entertain himself and his friends. So, I like this other guy and he does too, but I'm confused about something. So let's say that you and the guy  have kissed, and had sexual experiences with each other, and one day, he says "I think this guy likes you. Would you go and talk to him?" And you reply by saying something like "No, I would still talk to you." He replies "Great answer." Does anyone know why a guy would ask that? I'm a little curious about it.

ANSWER: Hi Thomas,

I'm sorry about what happened, and I'm glad you've moved on to opening your feelings up to someone new.

I think you already have some idea as to why he might have asked that. Here's my interpretation: he wants to know that he means more to you than the guy whom he asked about. At least, he wants to know where he stands with you. There's also the unlikely option that he's just saying it at face value, nothing more.

If he's generally a guy with really low self-esteem, he might be expressing his insecurity about himself there. However, if he's a confident guy in general, it's a nice thing that he asked that; he thinks you're different from the rest and he likes your attention.

Good luck!! Don't hesitate to follow-up.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Yes, I do have an idea of what he meant by that question. Just needed some clarification from an expert :) And yes, it does make sense. I forgot to mention that he was taking his finals that week, then we would not see each other again in the school. Also, he said that he had to get another phone because someone took his old one. He said it'll be the same number. So maybe because of those events, he wants to make sure that I won't go and try to find someone else?

ANSWER: Hi Thomas,

Sorry for taking a bit of time; it's been hectic for me. Thanks, but I'm not an expert by far. Perhaps just someone who's assessing from outside with less bias. That kind of someone is helpful for me too sometimes.

That might be what he meant. From another angle, the events could be detached from one another. It's hard to know for sure. You could ask somewhat jokingly, for example: "hey, are you worried I'm going to run away or something?", and he might say something that helps you understand better.
Also, or alternatively, you could invite him/plan with him to meet up weekly or so. That somewhat reassures him that you're more serious about him than he might have thought.
Sometimes, time is the best solution.  

Let me know if there's anything!

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: True, thank you. problem is that I think he's still trying to get a new phone. Also, in the past, he would ask me if we were friends, despite us having little to no interaction with each other. Plus, he's asked for my number before this all started. Due to issues at home, I said no. Before his phone died and got stolen (yes, his phone died, then it was stolen from him) I asked for his number a few days after our sexual experiences with each other and he gave it to me, and he placed a happy emoji at the end of his name as the contact name on my phone. So the reason I've included these details is because I wanted to give more details for you to determine something for me. Do you think based on what I've told you, that I have no reason to worry about him not getting in contact with me? I'm a little insecure about us not talking again...  I'd like reassurance that he will get a new phone... Thank you, it's my last question.

It's hard to really know for sure, but I doubt that he would stop contacting you...given he was so enthusiastic about you being his friend. Unless he doesn't contact you because he's worried for the same reason you are!

What I do know is that he told you that his number will remain the same. At the very least, you can text/call him and he would likely answer using his new phone. So that's a start.
There's also a chance that he would contact you first once he has a new phone.

The only thing you can really do is wait--for say a week or so--before contacting him or until he contacts you. And then you could ask for his e-mail. E-mails could be a way for communication when there are issues with devices like cellphones.

Really hope it goes well.

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I'm here to help you with whatever concerns/issues you have about homosexuality (and LGBTQ in general). These include issues like homophobia, bisexuality, confusion, coming out, crushes, relationships, abuses, etc. Just go ahead and ask; I'll do my best!


I've gone through the confused, denial and acceptance stages of my sexual orientation. From oblivion to low self-esteem and now to confidence.

B.Sc. in Biology with a keen interest in social psychology.

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