Gay/Lesbian/Bi Teens/heartbroken


It's Thomas. Turns out the guy we were talking also used me... Feel so upset... Who would've thought the guy who was my first kiss could've been so inconsiderate to me & my feelings? He's ignored my messages on facebook for days, he has time to add over 100 people on facebook, but no time for me. I feel so bitter about him. To think that I meant something to him... To think that his kiss had any meaning to it... Do you know how I can get over about him? I've been heartbroken twice so far... Mason and now this guy...

Hi Thomas,

I'm really sorry about what happened. From what you said, I also thought that he was more reasonable than the last. There are a few stages to healing, from knowledge of personal and others' experiences:

At the initial stages of healing from a heartbreak, I would let myself feel everything I feel, and I suggest you do the same. Feeling, but not acting. It may be better to cut contact, and hide anything that reminds you of him to make the healing process faster. I would not stop myself from being angry and disappointed. "She so immature and inconsiderate. I can't believe I liked her. Since when did I like someone like that?", I would tell myself. The approach may not work for some people, but it did for me. It made me feel much better. It may last days or weeks, but try to slowly move on to the next stage as you do this one. I believe you're at this stage, maybe somewhere in the middle or hopefully near the end of it.

The second step is to look at the situation from a different angle. There's something called the "silver lining". Have you heard of that before? There's a silver lining to every situation, and it may be time to try and see it. It's the good or hopeful side to an otherwise painful and bad situation. The silver lining may be that it makes you a stronger person. It makes you someone who knows better what kind of person to like next time, what qualities to look for, how to behave, how much energy and hope to invest, etc. It may also be the time to forgive, to think that that everyone makes mistakes and many will learn. Many will become more mature. It's not worth wasting our feelings and time on someone who still needs to grow up.

The last step for me has always been to give it time. Lots of time. I know some people who take weeks or months. Some others take years. It somewhat depends on how well one does the second step. I suggest you repeat the second step as you give it time.

At all stages, it's important to fill your time with activities/sports that you enjoy and friends you like to be around. This really helps you think of the person less. They're good distractions and relaxation techniques.

Best of luck! And don't hesitate to let me know if there's anything.

Gay/Lesbian/Bi Teens

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I've gone through the confused, denial and acceptance stages of my sexual orientation. From oblivion to low self-esteem and now to confidence.

B.Sc. in Biology with a keen interest in social psychology.

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