Expert: Haffiez Michael Lithman - 7/26/2007

Question
Hi I have had this friend since primary school (I'll name him OS), we were always the best of mates while growing up always sticking together and were always close, and i always had a feeling he was bi-curious in some way or another.

The first thing which led me to believe this was when we use to always get drunk, this was around the age of 15. He use to always come over to my house and get drunk with me at weekends, several little things happened over a year or so. The first thing which happened was when i sort of encouraged him to just lie on top of me, both facing upwards just relaxing watching TV, we lay there all night just comfortable.

We would do little things like this all the time, then some time after another mate stopped over but me and my mate (OS) decided to sleep in my sister rooms while the other mate was sleeping in my bed in my room, i still cant remember what made us do this!, we were sort of drunk at the time, and it was some time ago. But anyway we went and slept in my sisters bed (she wasn't there by the way, I'm not into that lol!!) and we began to suck and bite each others fingers, I'm not sure who started it but it happened and we both enjoyed it, and that’s all that happened that night. Another night we were very drunk and I was tired and OS would keep getting up and moving around my room so I would grab him and pull him onto the bed while putting my legs around him, to sort of get him to stay in bed with me, although we always slept in the same bed when he stopped over anyway, like a lot of mates did at that age.

But anyway after this I moved house and didn't go out at all for around 2 years due to living so far away, but the thing is neither did OS much either, he sort of became distant from our group of friends. Anyway, I turned 18 and finally got my car so I was able to see my friends again as i lived so far away from them, after awhile of seeing my mates I decided to see OS again and try to get him to hang around with us all again, so I picked him up and we have been friends again since and he’s began to hang around with us all again.

The past few weeks he has slept at my house, twice on his own and once with another friend as well. The second time he stopped which was last week we decided to take some ecstasy and we were also drinking, we became quite comfortable with each other and some how we ended up hugging each other and with me feeling his ass and back, but i cannot remember where he was feeling me, but i know he was. Few minutes after this happened he came close to my face nose to nose and closed his eyes, i thought he was going to make a move to kiss me but he didn't maybe it was because he was too uncomfortable or shy I'm not sure, but he isn't the most confident person, like myself. But anyway nothing happened from there. The next day I had him and a friend stop and we took ecstasy and alcohol again so we were in a good mood and once my friend was sleeping me and my mate OS sat somewhere else together, I began to sort of rub his leg with mine for almost an hour just talking away to each other about random stuff, he didn't try to stop me so he couldn't have been too uncomfortable.

I know these drugs can influence your decisions and make you do things you wouldn’t do if you didn’t take them but I have read several things about the drug ecstasy and everyone seems to believe it doesn’t turn you ‘gay’ it just gives you the confidence to express your feelings.

Anyway he should be coming over my house again over the weekend and I'm hoping to come out to him, tell him I'm bi-sexual or at least curious, do you think he’s interested? I've always thought to myself that it could be that were just such close mates and we feel comfortable doing these things but I really want to make a move, but I think ill talk to him first about what he thinks about me being bi and hopefully make him admit he is, I'm pretty sure he is as well, many people think he is and people think I am as well, well a few to my knowledge, like a mate asked me the other week which I replied with, NO hehe!.

Another thing also, when we were getting drunk at the age of around 15 he also asked me several questions such as 'Are you gay/bi?' and he also brought forward things such as 'Apparently all males have at least one gay experience' which we just laughed and spoke about.

What do you think?, I’m sure he must be curious at least but I don't want to scare him. I mean things have changed, were not 15 anymore I do regret not making a move earlier on in life, but I still think there could be time!! Please give me some advice he’s the sweetest thing and I love him so much and cannot stop thinking about him this past week since the sleep overs. He’s also began to text me almost every day but just as mates.

Thanks, and please reply i want him so bad!! >:(


Answer
Thank you for your e-message received 2007.

ASD,
What I can suggest to you is to meet him up and 'confess' to him that you are gay/bi and tell him in a way that it looks like a confession rather then a sign to say that you want to have something with him.
Just make sure you find a right time and right place... talk to him slowly.

Please do not hesitate to contact me, should you have futher query.