| |
You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Gay/Lesbian Issues > Gay/Lesbian Issues > Relationship Difficulty
Expert: Kay
Date: 2/22/2008
Subject: Relationship Difficulty
Question
I have been in a relationship with John for 3 1/2 years. Since the beginning there has been an situation that has been troubling to me. John gave a friend money to help buy a house and when the friend was unable to make his financial commitments, John moved in as a roommate and rented his condo out. Both swear that they are friends and nothing more, which I believe. It was a long time before I ever was at the house because, as John put it, it wasn't his house. We had a good relationship and when I came home on the weekends (I worked out of town), John would live with me, spending nearly 24/7 with me. In Nov 07, I started working from home and he essentially moved back to the house. Last March, the friend was diagnosed with cancer (unrelated to his HIV)(John and I are both negative). I rarely see John - maybe once or twice a week. Sometimes he will show up at midnight and crawl in bed, but no sex. He says he will call, then does not. We have been to counselling and he says he loves me and wants to be together but has to help his friend (like his brother) die. The prognosis is that he may only have weeks (he doesn't look or feel sick like someone with weeks) or it could be a year or more. I have tried to be supportive of their weekend trips (nearly every weekend, without me). I have been told by the friend that he only pretended to like me, and John defends him and doesn't stand up for me. I cry uncontrollably because I have lost my love, and he is self-destructing and I can't save him. He lost his job because he was taking care of the friend - who does NOT require any care at this point. I don't know what to do. I feel like I will be abandoning John if I break up and I lose everything. I feel like I am being taken for granted and abused also. Thank you for your help!
Answer
Hi Done,
I am so sorry for all of this trouble but at the same time, I can't say that I truly say that I understand the situation.
What are these weekend trips without you? I mean, I can understand that he is sick but he doesn't need to spend all of that time with his friend, especially if it bothers you and you voiced your opinion.
At this point, I don't want to tell you to leave your boyfriend alone because I am not you but I do think, you both need to come to some understanding.
I am trying to be considerate because the friend has Cancer. I wan to say, to be patient and see how things work out out after his friend pass away. BUT BUT BUT, He should not be putting you on the back burner, if its bothering you.
So, at this point, you really need to stand up for your self, ask for more time, more phone calls and more consideration.
hope this helps.
Add to this Answer
Ask a Question
|
|
