Expert: Kay Date: 5/25/2008 Subject: I Need To Know If My Husband Is Bi Or Gay
Question I need to know your thoughts on this. My Husband and I have been together for 9 years now and married for 5 of those years. Everything was fine up until about 2-3 years ago. We went from hacing sex every single day, several times a day, to 3 times a week, then twice a week, once a week and then every other week. I was getting fed up with this, he knows I am a very sexual person, so I would ask him why he never wants to have sex and he always uses the excuse that he is tired or stressed from work. Well, we talked to his doctor about this like 2 years ago. The Doctor gave him Viagra, but that really did not work. He also started having erectile dysfunction problems with me. He would have a hard time getting erect, no matter what I did and Viagra did not help. What also puzzles me is, all these years when we would watch adult movies together, he always loved watching girl/girl stuff. The past two years, he always like to watch either oral or guy/girl and the weird part is, he always orgasms when the guy on the movie is having an orgasm. Then, last year, I caught him talking to guys online while he was "playing games". I had installed a program on his computer (which he knew about), because a year prior to this incident, I found out he was talking to other women online, in a sexual way and even signed up for a site to meet women. Thank goodness I caught him in this the day after he signed up for this website!! Anyway, so after that I installed a program on his computer to log things. I guess he thought it was just there and could only log chat programs. Well, I checked his computer the one day, and saw all of this talk in this gaming room, and this talk had gone on for several months. I was starting to trust him again, so I had not checked this program very often. He was talking to all of these guys in these game rooms and he was saying he was bi or that he was gay and he would be very explicit in the chatting, describing details about being with men and how much he loved it etc. Anyway, I flipped out of course and even went to a Lawyer to get a Divorce. However, with the cost of divorce and since I do not work, I could not do it. He promised me that he was not gay or Bi but I still cannot get over the things he has done. I just have this gut feeling that he really is gay or bi and does not want to admit it. I said about going to counseling, and he said ... "I would just tell them that I am not gay and that I do not like men and that would be the end of it". Those were his exact words. So, I think even if he is gay or bi, I think he would lie to a counselor. Or, am I over-reacting?? I don't know!! I do not know what to do. I just know that if he is truely gay or truely bi I do NOT want to be with him!! Do you have any advice for me??
Thank you in advance.
Answer Hello "Need to know"
Well, it appears to me that you have your answers.
Had you not told me that you read all of these things about him chatting with guys and telling them he was gay, I would have a lot to say.
However, since that is not the case, all I can say is that the answer is right in front of your face.
Of course its easy to say "oh no it was lie or I was playing" but you read what he wrote and I am a firm believer that everything means something. If it was worth it for him to write about it for months or in a game room that he is Gay or Bi---It is true!
Of course, this is all my opinion. In the end, I can't tell you what to do but you need to look out for yourself. Unless he came up with a logical explanation, I would work my hardest getting away from him.
This is inexcusable behavior. Of course you can forget about it but if it ever happens again, it will be your problem that you didn't deal with it.
Also, what bothers me is that, he knew you installed a program and was suspiciou, WHY WOULD HE DO THAT?
Importantly, what would make a man write in a gaming chat room that he is gay or bi? It doesn't even make any sense.
Sorry to come so hard down on your husband but this is such nonsense. He really got caught with his pants down.
