Expert: Kay Date: 5/7/2008 Subject: I don't know what space is?
Question Helloo..I'm 22 years old and I am a lesbian. I've been with my bisexual G/f for about 8 months now, but we are kind of on a break. It's a complicated confusing situation for her and I, because how can we go on a break if we live with each other?? Okay just to get an idea of where I'm coming from I'll quickly recap on what has sparked this "so called break". It has been an off and on going issue, but lately it's been accruing a little more so more then usual. The issues at hand is how I get insecure and get iffy towards her. I get this overwhelming feeling inside and start to feel this doubt towards her like she's hiding something. I ask her if she is interested in someone eles or if maybe their might be another person and her reaction to this is frustration and anger, and with her guard up high. She states she use to get this alot in her past relationship and feels like she has to walk on egg shells sometimes with me. She has told me that it's unfair that I would think that of her when she has shown nothing to make me think that, I beg to differ. I am trying to better myself though and be more logical rather then act on my impulsive nature. I do know that these feelings can be associate closely towards the lack of affection and attention I don't get from her time to time. Another thing I feel is a problem is the fact I'm trying to overcome her being bisexual and knowing she leans towards men more. I'm the first girl she's ever been with and I get scared that I might not be enough woMAN for her. I honestly do think she's loyal and that I am something special in her eyes. When it really comes down to it and when we get into a real bad argument, I see that she really does care and wants to work things out. By nature, shes a kind of unemotional person and making these faulty accusations, exhaust her emotionally and it's only then I see her expressing her attachment or love towards me. My question is am I wrong? We are on this break and I still hug her and kiss her and we do what we always do, just without a label, but now another arguement recently came up and now I'm back to the start. Trying to keep some distances and etc...this "space" thing is hard to establish, because we live with each other and share the same room. I want her to come to me and I want to show her that I can keep my end of the deal and respect this "space" thing. I just don't know how to distribute it correctly, because it's so hard when we live together. I don't know what space is? Should I duct tape the room and tell her "This side is mine and this side is yours don't cross it or it's totally over! J/K..But really do I call her and let her know if I'm going to be coming home late? Do I even inform her where I'm gonna be going, so she does not worry about me? Do I kiss her? Or wait till she kisses me?? What is this thing we call "space" when we share the same space generally. I don't know what space is?
Answer Hi,
Well it seems like your big issue is her being bisexual. In the end she will need to decide if being with you is a phase or a life choice.
Messing with someone without the "relationship" label can sometimes be effective. I guess it all comes down to what works for you. However, all good things have to come to an end. Therefore, you can go on forever without a label.
Oh gee, trying to keep distance and sharing the same room is not going to happen. I also stay with my gf and when we try to break up, it never works, because we are in a 1 bedroom apartment and share the same room...almost impossible.
Well, everyone has their idea of space. So, maybe you should talk to her to see exactly what it is that she wants from you. Everything you mentioned (your idea of space) was good. Again, you would get a better answer if she just told you. For instance, maybe she wouldn't want you to call if you were coming home late but at the same time she may want to know when you are coming home so she doesn't get worried.
My gf likes to leave out of the blue for hours and she thinks its funny or its supposed to make me feel some type of way. Whether I am with someone or not, if I care about them and it's late, I would like to know where they are. Even if I was just a friend.
Again, communicate with your gf so that you can know what to expect.
