Expert: Kay Date: 6/16/2008 Subject: Sexual Orientation Confusion
Question QUESTION: Hello, my name is Sarah. Im a nineteen year old female, and Im very confused of my sexual orientation. I have never really had a boyfriend or girlfriend. I'm open to whatever I am, but I'm just very confused at the moment. I have had romantic crushes on boys, and I dated a guy for a short period of time recently. I was into him. It was mainly romantic though, I really liked that he was into me, and I just loved being in his company. I had never really thought of having sex with guys until recently. I thought I was a lesbian for some time, just because I always enjoyed watching lesbian porn, and seeing nude pictures of girls. I was ok with it, but Ive never really wanted to go out with a girl. I check girls out all the time though. I am envious of many girls, at first I thought it was only envy, but if I was only envious, would I get turned on by girls? I am turned on by guys, but it's more selective. I have liked many guys, but it doesnt just HAPPEN, it will be a random guy, and I just grow fond of him. Its also not all about his looks ethier, I am attracted to him, but it moreso has to do with the whole picture, the way he acts, or does things, Im attracted to. With girls, its all visual. I am just really stressed and confused though, because if I am into guys, I dont get why I prefer to look at girls in porn ? I can look at guys, but why do I look at girls more, and have more nude visions of girls? Like I said before, Im ok with whatever I am, but I find myself always LOOKING at girls, and I guess I would do something with a girl, but dating/commitment or anything like girlfriend type thing, just doesnt seem cool with me..? What do you think I am? I really would like some advice, this issue eats at me alott :P Thanks for reading :)
ANSWER: Hi Sarah,
Just know that our choices of porn, sometimes has nothing to do with our sexuality. I know people that like to watch animals have sex or gay men and it doesn't affect their sexuality.
It seems like you need to follow your heart and see what it is about both sexes that may make you like one over the other.
So just "looking" really doesn't make you one or the other.
You probably need to date around to see which sex you prefer. D
I see that you wrote that you couldn't mess with a girl, as in a relationship. Do you think its because you know your family or friends would not be too accepting of you were to mess with a girl?
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QUESTION: Thanks for the answer. I honestly don't care what my parents/family thinks. For a while I did, but I moved past caring. I think they would learn to accept it too, because thats how they seem they are. Honestly, all I want is to be happy. Im very open to different lifestyles, I have always been very not-prejudice, I have gay friends, bi friends, to me it doesnt matter. I would date a girl and I would date a guy. But its moreso the liking involved and what I honestly want. I have liked guys, but its an romantic sort of giddy-butterflies in my stomach crush. While with a girl, I have never crushed on a particular girl, but I look at girls all the time. Id do something sexual with a girl, but it just... feels replacable. It just feels like itd be fun for the moment, but than itd mean nothing to me afterwards. I have given this some serious thought, honestly, and thats how I always end up feeling. I try to go "oh look at that girl... shes pretty." and I kind of... FORCE myself to like develop a crush for her, but I dont. I have never had a girl I meet I just think about her nonstop, and like dream of her, and us dating. Ive seen a good looking girl and gone "wow shes got a nice body" but than its over. While, with guys, Ill sit there and find myself always thinking about him, stupid little things though, like his sense of humor, or the clothes he was wearing, all these little things that add up, his personality is always a major reason why I like a guy.
Again though, Im befuddled because when it comes to porn and things, I ALWAYS look at chicks, Ill look at guys, but I prefer girls, I dont know why really.
Ethier way, like I said im open to anythng, but I have no desire to date a girl, at least up until this point in my life. But, I enjoy watching women in porn, and it just ...makes it very confusing.. ?
Answer Hi,
I know this is a dumb answer but LIFE is confusing. You will experience things and will never find an answer or will spend your entire life figuring it out. Guess what? There is nothing wrong with that.
There is no one that can tell whether you are gay or straight. You will need to work these issues out as you mature and experience it more.
