AboutMichelle Expertise I can answer/explore questions regarding: coming out; conflicts of faith for both the gay/lesbian person accepting their own sexuality as well as friends/family accepting the sexuality of someone they care about; coming out to your children; talking to your teens about being gay; coming out of a long term opposite sex marriage; history of marriage; legal recognition of same gender marriages; how ultra-conservative religious training/upbringing affects gays, lesbians, bi, trans people--especially teens; why living “out” is the hardest best thing a person can do; current dynamics of religious/political issues.
Experience I was raised in a conservative Christian church, and still am a Christian. From my earliest memories, I always had "crushes" on girls/women, but because of my background and training, believed homosexuality was a "sin" and that I was an abomination. I believed it was a "choice" and was determined to choose heterosexuality. I married a man (claimed to be a Christian, ended up being abusive), had three kids, and was married for 20 years. I attended a Christian college (had devastating crushes there) and at the age of 26 started writing and speaking for Christian groups across the United States and Canada. After fifteen years of teaching others to "remove the masks" I finally peeled away my last mask. I lost my church, my oldest friend, my career, and quite a few people I trusted and loved--but I gained my soul. You can't fool God. I used my experience and twenty-five years of biblical studies to understand how scriptures have been misused. I am now married to a woman (seven years) and active in the gay/lesbian community. I have made myself an expert on same gender marriage issues and legal cases. I am very active in local, state, and national politics
Organizations HRC
Equal Rights Washington
Legal Marriage Alliance
PFLAG
Publications AGLOW Western Horseman
Publisher's Weekly
Two books and hundreds of articles for Christian publishers
Education/Credentials 2.5 years undergraduate
25 years professional writer/speaker (fifteen for religious publishers)
10 years of seminars & workshops
Question ok this may seem kind of weird.. but i need help REALLY bad! anyways 3 yrs ago i worked with this girl who is 4 yrs older than i am anywho i fell for her...BAD.. i only worked with her for 3 months n to this day i still think about her A LOT. n i havent talked to her since i worked with her 3 yrs ago. i added her on facebook i shes never talked to me but the more i look a photos of her it just makes things worse cos she has a boyfriend but i want so desperatly to be with her... but yet part of me wants to move on to someone else or atleast become the person i want to be im kinda stuck in the same place n i ve been there for 3 yrs n i dunno how to move on and get over it cos i know i'll never be with her... but if u can help me in any way that would be great!
Answer Hi Brittany, no, it doesn't seem weird at all to me. I think this happens a lot...and I think it probably happened to me years ago. I think it is pretty normal, in fact, because we basically see or meet someone who embodies all the things we like and admire and are attracted to in a person, and we fall hard. I don't think the heart really has an expiration date when it falls, so that makes it harder.
But, of course, we also have reality to deal with...something the heart isn't real good at sometimes. So we have to help it along. The first thing you do is stop trying to "get over it." You accept it for what it is, and say to yourself it is okay to feel that way for as long as you need to. It is a kind of "permission" we give ourselves that takes off the pressure to just "get over it." We humans are pretty funny sometimes, and it seems the more we try to get "over" something, the more we focus on it and the more we focus on it the harder it is to get over. So when we give ourselves permission, we take the focus off and let it end naturally.
The next thing you do is find something to get involved in, something you are passionate about, or really love to do. If it is some kind of sport, do that, if it activism of some kind do that. Find something to really immerse yourself in that makes you feel good about yourself. Not only will this help to change your focus, it will get you out meeting other people with the same passions that you have.
It won't change in a day, a week, or a month, but it will change, the more you get out the sooner that will be.
