AboutMichael Hernandez Expertise I can answer questions regarding gender issues having lived as both lesbian and gay. I can also address relationship questions being in a 14 year polyamorous relationship.
Experience I am a trans (Female to Male) and have been in that community for the past 17 years and have presented in College/University classes as well as maintaining a website with links and information regarding gender issues [http://www.otherbear.com]
Organizations belong to National Writer's Union, FTM Alliance of Los Angeles, Inc.
Publications I've written articles for gender publications and have contributions in Bears on Bears by Ron Suresha (Los Angeles: Alyson Publications, 2002), Academy: Tales of the Market Place by Laura Antoniou (New York: Mystic Rose Books, 2000), "I Am Neither Man Nor Woman" Trans Liberation: Beyond Pink or Blue, ed. Leslie Feinberg (Boston: Beacon Press, 1998), "Holding My Breath Under Water" Looking Queer , ed. Dawn Atkins (Hayworth Press, 1998), "Boundaries: Gender and Transgenderism," The Second Coming , eds. Pat(rick) Califia and Robin Sweeney (San Francisco: Alyson Publications, 1996), and "Packing, Passing & Pissing," Dagger , eds. Lily Burana, Roxxie, and Linnea Due (San Francisco: Cleis Press, 1994). Appearance in Transmen & FTMS: Identities, Bodies, Genders & Sexualities by Jason Cromwell (University of Illinois Press, 1999), etc.
Expert: Michael Hernandez Date: 7/5/2008 Subject: i found gay porn on my boyfriends computer
Question i was looking something up on my boyfriends computer and a site poped up with transexuals on it i asked what that was about and he told me that he was just interested. i thought ok but i decided to look then and found more site with the same contents on them. i then asked agan and he told me that he was bie. we have been dating for a little over a year and have a great sex life he is always loving on me but i am conserned that something may be going on. he tells me that he loves me and only wants me in his life but i am unsher of that now.
Answer Dear Sarah:
Speaking from experience, most men are horndogs and porn is par for the course. The fact that he's watching porn and potentially using it as a means of release doesn't mean that he's looking for something else.
Unless there are other signs, like he loses interest in sex, works late hours on a regular basis, blows off dates with you, etc. I wouldn't worry about it. FYI - transsexuals consider themselves the sex that they are becoming, so if what you are seeing is porn with pre-surgical women (i.e. still have penises), it's not "gay" porn.
Relationships are built on trust. Without that, it's just a lot of work without much payoff. The bottom line is if you don't trust him, it's not going to last.
He should have told you that he was bi, but that in and of itself should not ruin a good relationship if the only downside has been the presence of porn.
