Gay/Lesbian Issues/Coworker



I have a few questions about a guy I work with. Ok first off, I am 25 and he will be 21 this month. I am looking for a life partner and I have been debating whether or not he is capable of that kind of commitment. I know he is still young so he may still want to play. This is all assuming that he is gay.

Ok, the second issue is that from the first time we saw each other there was this intense connection between us. When he first saw me as we were working together, he gave me this long intense gaze going past socially appropriate , which he still does occassionally. From then on as we spoke more he would always touch as I am seated at my desk and he is walking past me. He sometimes touches me on my ear, on my neck, or my side alittle above my waist. On Fridays he would ask me what I am doing over the weekend. I never really have much to do but he has a very active life. I started to feel like he was attracted to me but he never would invite me anywhere. So I thought he was only interested in an office romance. Eventually he asked me for my number to play this game on our phone and later that day he had invited me somewhere (to hang out with him over a girl's house he liked..strange). Also, next week me and him are hanging out for the first time going to a bar. I sorta don't know why I suggested to him we hang out because of this girl being in the picture.

So my questions are first is he capable of long-term commitment, do you think he's gay, and should I still receive his flirting advances even though he is supposed to be liking this girl?

Dear Quentin
I cannot comment if he is capable of long-term commitment.......or not.....only he can tell you that.
If he likes this girl,,,,,should you still continue to receive his flirting advances.....tough question to answer.......well, in that case, if he is bisexual, then it wouldn't matter much, provided you're comfortable with the fact that he can play both sides...but if you cannot digest the fact of sharing him with another person, then why do you want to even think of being with him???
Dr. Kalra

Gay/Lesbian Issues

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Dr. Gurvinder Kalra


I can answer questions related to gay and lesbian relationships, problems with self acceptance, dealing with coming out issues, conflicts with one's faith, religion and sexuality, or heartbreaks in these relationships. I can answer questions in English, Hindi, Marathi & Punjabi.


I have an interest in the area of alternative sexual lifestyles and have been working since September 2009 with Humsafar Trust, an NGO working for LGBT population, in the city of Mumbai, India. I am a psychiatrist by profession, completed my MD from Maharashtra University of Health Sciences, Nashik, Maharashtra, India. I have an experience of almost 4 years in the field of Psychiatry.

Humsafar Trust, Mumbai

1. Kalra G, Bhugra D. Mutual learning and research messages: India, UK and Europe. Indian J Psychiatry 2010;52(7 Suppl 3):S56-63. [doi: 10.4103/0019-5545.69211] 2. Kalra G, Gupta S, Bhugra D. Sexual Variations in India: A view from the west. Indian J Psychiatry 2010;52(7 Suppl 3):S264-8. [doi: 10.4103/0019-5545.69244] 3. Kalra G, Bhugra D. Migration and Sexuality. Int J Cult Ment Health 2010;3(2):117-25. [doi: 10.1080/17542863.2010.498573] 4. Naughty at Ninety. The Telegraph, Sunday, dated 19th August 2007. (

MBBS MD Psychiatry Basic Course in Integrated Clinical Hypnosis Basic Course in Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) ICH-GCP Training 16 hours Intensive Workshop Training in Cognitive Behavior Therapy

Awards and Honors
1. A.V. SHAH BEST RESEARCH PAPER AWARD, at the 38th Annual Conference of Indian Psychiatry Society- West Zone Branch, Nagpur, India, 13th Oct 2007. 2. BOMBAY PSYCHIATRIC SOCIETY SILVER JUBILEE NATIONAL AWARD, at the 60th Annual National Conference of Indian Psychiatric Society (ANCIPS), in Kolkata on 4th January, 2008. 3. 2nd prize in the free paper session for presenting the paper “Sexual Attitudes & Behaviours in Individuals above 50” at the 24th National Conference of Sexology held in Jaipur in September, 2008. 4. BHAGWAT NATIONAL AWARD, for Co author of “Study of Emotional Intelligence in Medical Postgraduates”. The Study was presented in the 61st Annual National Conference of Indian Psychiatric Society (ANCIPS), in Agra on 6th January, 2009. 5. 1st prize in the Dr.S.M.Lulla Post Graduate Quiz held in July 2006 at Department of Psychiatry, T.N.M.C. Mumbai, India. 6. Won the Post Graduate Debate on “Involuntary Treatment in Psychiatric Patients is Unjust”, 2nd March 2008, T.N.M.C. Mumbai, India.

Past/Present Clients
I have dealt with many LGBT individuals with the above mentioned issues during my visits at Humsafar Trust and also during my clinical experience while doing my post-graduation.

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