Gay/Lesbian Issues/Indecisive


I wrote this same message to someone else, but I guess I would just like as much advice as I can get. Well.. I came out as a lesbian in 2011 and I've been with two women since, one that I am currently with right now. We have been dating for over a year now and things have been just fine. But lately I've been having worries about things, not about us.. About myself and my orientation. It's just that I'm beginning to doubt my commitment issues. I know I have already made myself committed, it's been quite a while. I'm just afraid I'm missing out on something. When I go to school, the grocery store, or on any social networking sites; and I see my ex's or new people I find attractive, I begin to wonder if there's more than what I have right now. There's this guy that I dated way back when and lately I find myself looking more and more at his profile and posts and just wishing I could be single and not tied down so I could just experience it all again and see if there's really something worth trying out there. I came out as a lesbian for a reason, but I am now second guessing myself. I guess all I really want to know is if I should just ignore it and keep what I have going on the way it has been? or if I should take the initiative to talk to him (strictly as friends right now, of course) and see where it goes? I wouldn't want to talk to my girlfriend about it, as I wouldn't want to mess things up in her head. Please help and give me the best advice you can. Thanks.

Dear Miranda
You did not mention the reason behind you coming out as a lesbian. Anyways, I would always suggest keep exploring instead of getting frustrated & tied down by the committments which you may not be able to fulfil. However this doesn't mean that you cheat on your partner & make it a pattern for the rest of your life.
Dr. Kalra

Gay/Lesbian Issues

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Dr. Gurvinder Kalra


I can answer questions related to gay and lesbian relationships, problems with self acceptance, dealing with coming out issues, conflicts with one's faith, religion and sexuality, or heartbreaks in these relationships. I can answer questions in English, Hindi, Marathi & Punjabi.


I have an interest in the area of alternative sexual lifestyles and have been working since September 2009 with Humsafar Trust, an NGO working for LGBT population, in the city of Mumbai, India. I am a psychiatrist by profession, completed my MD from Maharashtra University of Health Sciences, Nashik, Maharashtra, India. I have an experience of almost 4 years in the field of Psychiatry.

Humsafar Trust, Mumbai

1. Kalra G, Bhugra D. Mutual learning and research messages: India, UK and Europe. Indian J Psychiatry 2010;52(7 Suppl 3):S56-63. [doi: 10.4103/0019-5545.69211] 2. Kalra G, Gupta S, Bhugra D. Sexual Variations in India: A view from the west. Indian J Psychiatry 2010;52(7 Suppl 3):S264-8. [doi: 10.4103/0019-5545.69244] 3. Kalra G, Bhugra D. Migration and Sexuality. Int J Cult Ment Health 2010;3(2):117-25. [doi: 10.1080/17542863.2010.498573] 4. Naughty at Ninety. The Telegraph, Sunday, dated 19th August 2007. (

MBBS MD Psychiatry Basic Course in Integrated Clinical Hypnosis Basic Course in Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) ICH-GCP Training 16 hours Intensive Workshop Training in Cognitive Behavior Therapy

Awards and Honors
1. A.V. SHAH BEST RESEARCH PAPER AWARD, at the 38th Annual Conference of Indian Psychiatry Society- West Zone Branch, Nagpur, India, 13th Oct 2007. 2. BOMBAY PSYCHIATRIC SOCIETY SILVER JUBILEE NATIONAL AWARD, at the 60th Annual National Conference of Indian Psychiatric Society (ANCIPS), in Kolkata on 4th January, 2008. 3. 2nd prize in the free paper session for presenting the paper “Sexual Attitudes & Behaviours in Individuals above 50” at the 24th National Conference of Sexology held in Jaipur in September, 2008. 4. BHAGWAT NATIONAL AWARD, for Co author of “Study of Emotional Intelligence in Medical Postgraduates”. The Study was presented in the 61st Annual National Conference of Indian Psychiatric Society (ANCIPS), in Agra on 6th January, 2009. 5. 1st prize in the Dr.S.M.Lulla Post Graduate Quiz held in July 2006 at Department of Psychiatry, T.N.M.C. Mumbai, India. 6. Won the Post Graduate Debate on “Involuntary Treatment in Psychiatric Patients is Unjust”, 2nd March 2008, T.N.M.C. Mumbai, India.

Past/Present Clients
I have dealt with many LGBT individuals with the above mentioned issues during my visits at Humsafar Trust and also during my clinical experience while doing my post-graduation.

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