Gay/Lesbian Issues/my boyfriend is gay


Hi, about two weeks ago my boyfriend of 3 years told me that he is bisexual, which I freely accepted even though he has neever done anything with another boy, and wouldnt cheat on me. however, today he told me that he is actually Gay and that he still loves me but soon he will have to move on to be with a man. He said he loves me and always will and having talked about and planned our future together, I love him with all of my heart. He wants to be friends after we break up but I dont know what to do...HELP????

Dear Holly,

I'm very sorry that this is happening to you.  There is nothing that you can say or do to change him if he's gay.  From what you've disclosed he's in the process of coming out.  Unfortunately, that process will end the relationship that you have.

However, still leaves you with a jumble of emotions.  The best advice that I can give you is to seek the services of a therapist, so you can talk to someone neutral who has the training to be ale to help.



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Michael Hernandez


I can answer questions regarding gender issues having lived as both lesbian and gay. I can also address relationship questions being in a 14 year polyamorous relationship.


I am a trans (Female to Male) and have been in that community for the past 17 years and have presented in College/University classes as well as maintaining a website with links and information regarding gender issues []

Organizations belong to
National Writer's Union, FTM Alliance of Los Angeles, Inc.

I've written articles for gender publications and have contributions in Bears on Bears by Ron Suresha (Los Angeles: Alyson Publications, 2002), Academy: Tales of the Market Place by Laura Antoniou (New York: Mystic Rose Books, 2000), "I Am Neither Man Nor Woman" Trans Liberation: Beyond Pink or Blue, ed. Leslie Feinberg (Boston: Beacon Press, 1998), "Holding My Breath Under Water" Looking Queer , ed. Dawn Atkins (Hayworth Press, 1998), "Boundaries: Gender and Transgenderism," The Second Coming , eds. Pat(rick) Califia and Robin Sweeney (San Francisco: Alyson Publications, 1996), and "Packing, Passing & Pissing," Dagger , eds. Lily Burana, Roxxie, and Linnea Due (San Francisco: Cleis Press, 1994). Appearance in Transmen & FTMS: Identities, Bodies, Genders & Sexualities by Jason Cromwell (University of Illinois Press, 1999), etc.

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