Gay/Lesbian Issues/sex issue


QUESTION: Your question was

"hello doc,one man had sex with other man,anal sex.he desires to have sex again with that man and attracted to him,frequently does sex chat.but his sex organ(penis) is like a heterosexual man,even though attracted to a man?is there any difference between a gay's sex organ and straight man's organ.? is he is satisfied doing sex with other man? also the person enjoys sex with his wife and wants to live with his wife and not with other man. if so how can he be attracted to both man and women?he also feels guilt about having sex with man and admits that it was his mistake when he slept for sex with other man.for this can sex therapist or psychiacrist help doc?plz suggest the admits that he is not a gay, but i want to ask u doctor, can he be a gay??. and if it is just pscycological problem? for this problem whom to consult a sex therapist or a psychiatrist?plz help."

ANSWER: Hello Isha-

Firstly let me say that I am not a doctor. I am, however, able to give you some common sense advice and address your question. According to all the anatomy books I've checked, there is no difference in the sexual organs of gay people and straight people. Sounds like the person you are asking about is doing what we here in America call playing on the down low..having sex with men while married and pretending that he is straight. Look, bottom line, there are a few things that trouble me about your post-Being married and having affairs with men on the outside is a sign that this person has not addressed their sexuality-it is also a sign that they are putting an innocent person at risk for contracting a sexually transmitted disease, which is pretty irresponsible. A person can be attracted to both sexes, but that doesn't give one a free pass to sleep around on the sly while potentially spreading some nasty stuff along the way. Your guy needs some help alright, a therapist is a good place to start- and I would also suggest you convince him to come clean with his wife, so she can at least protect herself. What your guy has is not a sickness or a psychological problem, he is just confused and probably, due to cultural, social and religious guilt,not able to accept himself as he is. Tell him to find a good therapist who specializes in helping people accept and embrace their sexuality. There really is a rainbow at the end of this road, hang in there and get some counseling, but please, tell your friend that he needs to use a condom (all the time) and he needs to come clean with his wife.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: so by therapist,u mean sex therapist? so can the treatment by therapist make the gay person change to straight man ,so he can live happily with his married wife whom he loves a lot?? can therapist treatment change his state of mind.. come clean with his wife meaning must use condom when slept with other man?

ANSWER: Ok, let mammlama make this as simple & clear as possible-
since the first answer has seemed to somehow generate the same questions again-
-First, own that this is you you're talking about and you need to accept that you're attracted to men.
-No, you don't need a sex therapist-just a good counselor.
-No the goal of therapy is not to turn you straight...that's not possible-being gay is not a choice or something you seek to be cured's something to embrace & accept.
-Come clean with your wife means tell her you've been sleeping with men&
Yes, always use a condom
Got it?

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: so i need to consult a counselor? instead of sex therapist? can the counselor change my attraction towards men and also my mind thoughts? so that i can be faithfull with my wife. ?

Ok, Mammalama will give it one last go around-
yes on seeing a counselor- no on seeing a sex therapist.
No- your attraction to men can't be changed- you were born that way and the only thing you should be focused on changing is your own attitude toward being gay. You need to find a therapist who can help you work through accepting yourself as a gay man.Your mind can't be changed and it is not likely that you will ever be faithful to your're gay!

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I can answer questions about GLBT history, politics, coming out, practical relationship advice,travel destinations, spirituality & GLBT astrology


I have been a proud member of the GLBT community for over 20 years, was involved in the grass roots marriage equality movement in Massachusetts and have studied and recorded the contributions and influence of the GLBT community.I am a published author of "Fabulous Facts", an engaging Q&A on the extraordinary, quirky and closeted GLBT community. While I'm not a psycho therapist, I am a self procalimed expert in the relationship area, having had many bumps along the way. I am a passionate about astrology and helping others understand how planetary influences play out in their lives.

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