Gay/Lesbian Issues/Issue with being bisexual


Hi I'm a 24 year old female and lately I've been struggling cause I've only dated men. I've been planing to marry a guy one day may be have a kid but  at the same time I feel a strong feeling towards dating women. I dream at night of women often mostly sexual but some times it's more likes dating a women.and I'm happy .
And I feel unhappy in life it's like I have a boyfriend who I love but I don't know there's just a part of me that's sad and the rest is happy.i don't know what's wrong with me why can't I just fucus on men or my boyfriend why do I yearn so much for a gf ?other bi women can be completely happy with either sex no problem..I feel like this problem well never get  solved I just don't get it I'm not a lesbian I shouldn't be struggling this much.

Any advice or thoughts about this would be great thanks

Tinker bell

Greetings Tinker bell,

Thank you for your question. I can appreciate the struggle that you are experiencing. Know that what you feel is valid and that there are many others who have questioned their sexuality while being in a relationship. I invite you to give yourself the permission to honor your feelings towards women; sexuality can be very fluid yet our decisions can be greatly influenced by culture, society, religion, family, friends and our own thoughts of how we 'think' sexuality should be for ourselves and for others.

You've mentioned planning on marrying a guy. However that may be true for your future, know that what we have planned or visioned for our futures can greatly shift and evolve at any given time; much for the better. It's certainly challenging to think about sexual orientation especially if we have responsibilities within our current relationship. Have you considered sharing with your boyfriend how you feel? He may be very supportive of your journey and can also be a source of strength. If you suspect that he may not be, perhaps there may be someone in your life that you trust and can speak openly and honestly in order to help sort your feelings.

What would it be like to accept that being attracted to men and women may be a part of who you are? What makes you feel most sad about your situation? Are there other relationship concerns you are experiencing with your boyfriend? Are there other issues in your life that is stressing you out? Self-acceptance and self-love can help alleviate some of the stress of trying to resolve your sexual orientation. It's worth knowing that most people simply aren't 100% either way and that there are many variations of attraction (such as bisexuality and pansexuality). Do you find that bisexuality is wrong and if so, why? These questions will help you to articulate the problem. If you desire to experience dating a woman, that would be something you need to decide based on your personal boundaries (with consideration of the boundaries within your current relationship).

I would encourage you to reach out to your local gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender center to speak with a counselor, or find a LGBT affirming counselor in your area to help process some of your feelings.

I hope this message helps.

Kind regards,
Dr. Reece Malone

Gay/Lesbian Issues

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Reece Malone


I can answer questions on sexual orientation, gender identity, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and transsexual sexuality (youth and adult), coming out and disclosure, transgender and gender-non conformity including transition process, how to support a partner of someone GLBT, sexuality and faith/spirituality/religion, safer sex and harm reduction, comprehensive sexuality education, and questions from service providers working with LGBT individuals and families.


I'm currently a full time sexuality educator and facilitator specializing in sexual orientation and gender identity. I hold the positions of the Education Program Coordinator at the Rainbow Resource Centre (supporting LGBTTQ individuals, families and allies) as well as clinical sexologist at Four Rivers Medical Clinic in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. My roles include: sexuality education, counseling/therapy, media spokesperson and consultant. I have sat on several non-profit sexuality organizations as well as been a consultant to the World Health Organization/Pan American Health Organization as well as the Public Health Agency of Canada. For more information visit:

American Association of Sexuality Educators Counselors and Therapists, The Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality, The American College of Sexologists, The Canadian AIDS Information Treatment Exchange, The Canadian Professional Association for Transgender Health, The Sexual Health Educator's Network (Manitoba), The International Society for Sexual Medicine.

Malone, R. (2010). "ShoutOut Against Homophobia, Biphobia, Transphobia and Heterosexism." Rainbow Resource Centre. Winnipeg, Canada. Malone, R. et al (2010). "Your Questions Answered. Gender Identity in Schools." Public Health Agency of Canada. Ottawa, Canada.

Undergradate degree in sociology - specialized focus on human sexuality Masters of Public Health (Sexology) Doctorate of Human Sexuality

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