Gay/Lesbian Issues/Coming-Out issues


Hello Gurvinder,
I am Jyoti, a 22 year old guy from kolkata, India.
I came out to my sisters last year on 19th Feb, but ever since that topic has never been discussed. I some times feel like i'm still in the closet and sinking in. Whenever, i do or say something that might be homosexual, my elder sister frowns at me.
Also, please suggest some idea as HOW TO COME OUT TO MY PARENTS, they don't even know what gay is! They think gays are 'Hijras', i tried telling my mum once, but she refused to listen, as for my dad, he is completely homophobe, i mean even the smallest thing i do of grooming- like facial or scrubbing my face, infuriates him and lead him to calling me names or 'Tum kya ye sab ladki k tarah laga k rakhta hai, isko dho jaldi jake.' or sometimes 'mera beta v beti ban gya' , SO, SHOULD I COME OUT TO MY DAD?
I am really depressed, i don't know what i am going to do with my life, sometimes i even get suicidal thoughts, like on 31st dec 2012, i didn't wanted my this year to be same as my last 5-6 years, dying inside.
Moreover as you might know, our society is not at all accepting of homosexuals, so is it a safe option to come out completely(i myself am not sure how to put out this question) or just leave it as it is for a while.
should i come out to my friends?

Sorry for asking so many questions at once, I just needed to get it off my heart.
Thank you in advance

Dear Jyoti,
You're already 22year old & need to think from an adult perspective. How important is it for you to come out to your parents now.....are you independent in terms of your life, finances etc??? Do you have any other social support (say friends etc) to support you.....these are important issues that you need to look at before you come out to the larger family. Most importantly you have to learn to take a stand for will have to get at least your sister on your side before you proceed further.
Should you or should you not come out to your friends is again a very personal issue depending on how understanding your friends are!
Dr. Kalra

Gay/Lesbian Issues

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Dr. Gurvinder Kalra


I can answer questions related to gay and lesbian relationships, problems with self acceptance, dealing with coming out issues, conflicts with one's faith, religion and sexuality, or heartbreaks in these relationships. I can answer questions in English, Hindi, Marathi & Punjabi.


I have an interest in the area of alternative sexual lifestyles and have been working since September 2009 with Humsafar Trust, an NGO working for LGBT population, in the city of Mumbai, India. I am a psychiatrist by profession, completed my MD from Maharashtra University of Health Sciences, Nashik, Maharashtra, India. I have an experience of almost 4 years in the field of Psychiatry.

Humsafar Trust, Mumbai

1. Kalra G, Bhugra D. Mutual learning and research messages: India, UK and Europe. Indian J Psychiatry 2010;52(7 Suppl 3):S56-63. [doi: 10.4103/0019-5545.69211] 2. Kalra G, Gupta S, Bhugra D. Sexual Variations in India: A view from the west. Indian J Psychiatry 2010;52(7 Suppl 3):S264-8. [doi: 10.4103/0019-5545.69244] 3. Kalra G, Bhugra D. Migration and Sexuality. Int J Cult Ment Health 2010;3(2):117-25. [doi: 10.1080/17542863.2010.498573] 4. Naughty at Ninety. The Telegraph, Sunday, dated 19th August 2007. (

MBBS MD Psychiatry Basic Course in Integrated Clinical Hypnosis Basic Course in Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) ICH-GCP Training 16 hours Intensive Workshop Training in Cognitive Behavior Therapy

Awards and Honors
1. A.V. SHAH BEST RESEARCH PAPER AWARD, at the 38th Annual Conference of Indian Psychiatry Society- West Zone Branch, Nagpur, India, 13th Oct 2007. 2. BOMBAY PSYCHIATRIC SOCIETY SILVER JUBILEE NATIONAL AWARD, at the 60th Annual National Conference of Indian Psychiatric Society (ANCIPS), in Kolkata on 4th January, 2008. 3. 2nd prize in the free paper session for presenting the paper “Sexual Attitudes & Behaviours in Individuals above 50” at the 24th National Conference of Sexology held in Jaipur in September, 2008. 4. BHAGWAT NATIONAL AWARD, for Co author of “Study of Emotional Intelligence in Medical Postgraduates”. The Study was presented in the 61st Annual National Conference of Indian Psychiatric Society (ANCIPS), in Agra on 6th January, 2009. 5. 1st prize in the Dr.S.M.Lulla Post Graduate Quiz held in July 2006 at Department of Psychiatry, T.N.M.C. Mumbai, India. 6. Won the Post Graduate Debate on “Involuntary Treatment in Psychiatric Patients is Unjust”, 2nd March 2008, T.N.M.C. Mumbai, India.

Past/Present Clients
I have dealt with many LGBT individuals with the above mentioned issues during my visits at Humsafar Trust and also during my clinical experience while doing my post-graduation.

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