Gay/Lesbian Issues/my relationship

Advertisement


Question
Hi i am a lesbian and i have been with my bisexual girlfriend for six years. I am still in love with her. When we took a break she slept with a guy friend. That really hurts me. Now its really hard for me to trust her. When i ask her if she still sees him she says no but i think she is lying. She broke up with me today because i kept mentioning it and i was disrepecting her. She gave me alot of chances but i am in love with her and i think the reason why i do it is because i get paranoid. What should i do i want her back.

Answer
Hello Lydia,
Thank you so much for your question and dare I say, you are in a tough situation. Firstly, trust is something that you can not automatically give to your former girlfriend, it has to be earned but you can forgive her and forgiving is not about letting the other person off the hook, it's about letting YOU off the hook. Look, your girlfriend has been open about being a bisexual, and you say you were on a break, so I'm not sure if there was any betrayal, unless you had some kind of agreement during the time away. I would question, if I were you,why you have chosen this person to give yourself to- you say you're in love with her, I get that, but often we pick people we can't have only to spend a huge chunk of our very precious lives chasing the impossible. I would do some soul searching about myself, if I were you- picking a bisexual can very much be like picking a straight girl in that often bisexuals will not have a loyalty or vested interest in making a lesbian relationship work, because they can often have a "grass is greener"type of relationship philosophy and may find it difficult to stay true to either particular gender.If you want her back, realize that the path ahead will always be uncertain and prepare yourself for that by coming to a place where uncertainty is comfortable for you. That involves some pretty deep work on making yourself secure in who you are and my suspicion is, if you were that secure about yourself, this person would not be a first choice for you. Remember, desparation is never sexy, so be true to yourself, do things that make you happy and ultimately, if you truely pursue your own happiness, you will come to a place where you'll attract people who enhance your happiness, not take away from it. Also, ask yourself, is this person's claim to being a bisexual thrown around in an effort to give license to infidelity? Only you and she know the answer to that, but it is worth asking and answering truthfully. Take some time, take a break from her for at least six months, and use that time to do things you love, to meet other people and to do some soul searching. In six months, if you still want her back, she'll be there and if she isn't, move on with your life. Good luck darling.

Gay/Lesbian Issues

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


mammalama

Expertise

I can answer questions about GLBT history, politics, coming out, practical relationship advice,travel destinations, spirituality & GLBT astrology

Experience

I have been a proud member of the GLBT community for over 20 years, was involved in the grass roots marriage equality movement in Massachusetts and have studied and recorded the contributions and influence of the GLBT community.I am a published author of "Fabulous Facts", an engaging Q&A on the extraordinary, quirky and closeted GLBT community. While I'm not a psycho therapist, I am a self procalimed expert in the relationship area, having had many bumps along the way. I am a passionate about astrology and helping others understand how planetary influences play out in their lives.

Publications
Pubished work currently available on Amazon- http://www.amazon.com/Fabulous-Facts-Celebrating-Extraordinary-ebook/dp/B009EAW0SC/ref=reg_hu-rd_add_1_dp

Education/Credentials
Currently pursuing master's degree SPHR certified

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.