Gay/Lesbian Issues/sex issue


hello, my husband is having sex with another men,he says he is not gay.he also does have regular sex with how can he be attracted to both sexes, a men and women both? he desires to have oral sex sex with other men.can counseller or sex therapist or pscycologist help on this to change my that he will be mine forever.pls help on this.

Dear Nisha:

Your husband could be bisexual.  Another possibility is cultural.  It is not uncommon for men who are the recipients of oral sex to identify as straight/heterosexual particularly in latin american and other cultures.

I am not aware of any therapy or "cure" for these desires.  In fact, there has been a lot of controversy about therapies directed at changing sexual orientation.  

Therapy may help you work through whether you stay in the relationship, how to approach him about what he's doing, setting boundaries, and your feelings on the subject. Couples counseling may help jump-start a conversation, but it won't change him.  

The best advice that I can give you is to practice safer sex (condoms) in all sexual interactions with your husband.  AIDS is not the only sexually transmitted disease that you need to be concerned about.

I wish that I could have been of greater assistance.



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Michael Hernandez


I can answer questions regarding gender issues having lived as both lesbian and gay. I can also address relationship questions being in a 14 year polyamorous relationship.


I am a trans (Female to Male) and have been in that community for the past 17 years and have presented in College/University classes as well as maintaining a website with links and information regarding gender issues []

Organizations belong to
National Writer's Union, FTM Alliance of Los Angeles, Inc.

I've written articles for gender publications and have contributions in Bears on Bears by Ron Suresha (Los Angeles: Alyson Publications, 2002), Academy: Tales of the Market Place by Laura Antoniou (New York: Mystic Rose Books, 2000), "I Am Neither Man Nor Woman" Trans Liberation: Beyond Pink or Blue, ed. Leslie Feinberg (Boston: Beacon Press, 1998), "Holding My Breath Under Water" Looking Queer , ed. Dawn Atkins (Hayworth Press, 1998), "Boundaries: Gender and Transgenderism," The Second Coming , eds. Pat(rick) Califia and Robin Sweeney (San Francisco: Alyson Publications, 1996), and "Packing, Passing & Pissing," Dagger , eds. Lily Burana, Roxxie, and Linnea Due (San Francisco: Cleis Press, 1994). Appearance in Transmen & FTMS: Identities, Bodies, Genders & Sexualities by Jason Cromwell (University of Illinois Press, 1999), etc.

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