Gay/Lesbian Issues/Need Advice


This isn't really a question; it's more like a search for advice. So I'm a bisexual 15 year old who has come out to a few of my closer friends. The one that I came out to first was my closest friend, Danny, who is more like a big brother to me. He accepted me for who I was and has no problem with it. However, I am really attracted to him and he knows this too. He is also okay with this and doesn't let it change things between us even though he is straight.. The one thing that bothers me is that I have to control any urges that I have around him. Like sometimes I just wanna kiss him or sometimes I think about having sex with him (I hate to say it). Also, I cannot help but to look at his private area when I'm around him. This also bothers me. I just need some advice on what to do because I'm afraid of acting out such as kissing him or possibly worse... Please, I need advice. I would gladly appreciate if you were to help me.

Dear Jose,

I wish there was something that I could say that would help you in this situation.  Urges are hard to control.  The only things that I can think of are as follows:

(1) spend less time with this friend;

The problem with this is that it could make the urges worse.

(2) spend time with this friend only when there are other folks around;

You are less likely to act on an urge if it comes up. Make sure that you aren't one of the last ones left to leave.

(3) figure out when you are starting to feel an urge and leave before it gets to the point where you will take action.

This one is tricky because it's easy to go from thinking to doing.

The only other thing is total distance and that can adversely affect the friendship.

(4) Date someone else.

(5) Find something else to occupy your focus.

I wish I had better advice, but there are worse things than having feelings for a good friend.



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Michael Hernandez


I can answer questions regarding gender issues having lived as both lesbian and gay. I can also address relationship questions being in a 14 year polyamorous relationship.


I am a trans (Female to Male) and have been in that community for the past 17 years and have presented in College/University classes as well as maintaining a website with links and information regarding gender issues []

Organizations belong to
National Writer's Union, FTM Alliance of Los Angeles, Inc.

I've written articles for gender publications and have contributions in Bears on Bears by Ron Suresha (Los Angeles: Alyson Publications, 2002), Academy: Tales of the Market Place by Laura Antoniou (New York: Mystic Rose Books, 2000), "I Am Neither Man Nor Woman" Trans Liberation: Beyond Pink or Blue, ed. Leslie Feinberg (Boston: Beacon Press, 1998), "Holding My Breath Under Water" Looking Queer , ed. Dawn Atkins (Hayworth Press, 1998), "Boundaries: Gender and Transgenderism," The Second Coming , eds. Pat(rick) Califia and Robin Sweeney (San Francisco: Alyson Publications, 1996), and "Packing, Passing & Pissing," Dagger , eds. Lily Burana, Roxxie, and Linnea Due (San Francisco: Cleis Press, 1994). Appearance in Transmen & FTMS: Identities, Bodies, Genders & Sexualities by Jason Cromwell (University of Illinois Press, 1999), etc.

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