Gay/Lesbian Issues/Sexual confusion


I am 21 years old and a virgin, I met a guy online and also had a chat for few months that made me comfortable. One day that I went to his home to have sex with him. We had a nice session of conversation for sometime and he suddenly started kissing me. I got nervous and I pushed him back. He got upset when I told him that I am going home. I calmly talked to him and everything went fine. Then he slowly started kissing me and took off my clothes and started sucking my nipples. But when he began to pull off my vest, it made me uncomfortable and asked him to leave me. Since from that day I am not in proper contact with him. Later it happened with other guys and didn't work out. Is something wrong with me, did we went to fast for this, I don't know whether I've a terrible mistake or not, please help!!!!!!!!

Dear Parazo,

When it comes to being cautious in sexual experience, there is no such thing as making a mistake.  Mistakes are made under the opposite circumstances -- when we hurriedly make wrong decisions!  There will be plenty of other opportunities in the future, and you will find someone both desirable and likable who will not pressure you into any situation you are uncomfortable with.  I will say that sometimes, for those of us who grew up in cultures where homosexuality is considered shameful, that gay people oftentimes have deep-rooted guilt issues.  It's almost a psychological reflex where we feel that if we can prevent an overambitious lover from giving us forbidden pleasure, then we can maintain control over our bodies and minds on our own terms.  However, sex is not an individual activity for participants.  It is something that must be shared between two consenting adults; you must be willing to give pleasure and you must be willing to receive it, too.  

In time, you will find someone with whom you can be completely trusting.  You will be able to relax and find great comfort in his presence.  When that happens, remember to give yourself permission to experience the pleasures your lover bestows on you, and to also enjoy pleasuring him in a likewise manner.  You will find all your doubts will vanish as your relationship grows.

Best wishes,

Gay/Lesbian Issues

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