Gay/Lesbian Issues/does he sound gay to you?


This 'guy' emailed me saying that he "wasn't living the life he wanted sexually  & maybe a spell would help...Please respond ASAP".
I mailed him a letter to his house if he really did say this because it didn't sound like something he'd say.
He emailed me back saying that his Mom read the letter & he had to explain the letter to her.....does that sound like he's hiding the fact that he's gay & trying to hide it from his Mom?

Hi Jeff,

Thank you for your question. I can see why you may be think that this person's email may sound like an issue with sexual orientation. But it's speculation as we don't know what is truly happening. People struggle with their sexuality for a variety of reasons. Perhaps he's:
- struggling with his attractions
- struggling with this gender identity or expression
- struggling with a medical injury or illness affecting his sex life
- struggling with some unwanted desires or fantasies
- struggling with body image
- maybe he feels his sexuality is out of control or compulsive

... or maybe it's something else altogether.

So as you can see, a number of different scenarios may be the reason. What's important is that he trusted you enough to share that he's going through something and perhaps he's feeling scared or ashamed to reach out to anyone else. He reached out to you as someone who can perhaps provide him with support as he's figuring out his situation. You don't need to have any answers other than be a listening ear. It's okay to say, "I don't know what to say to that but glad you can just get it off your chest." or "Wow, that sounds stressful. Sorry you're experiencing this." I encourage you to speak to him in person and if you can, be open to what he may be struggling with. I also encourage you to suspend any judgement on what he may be going through as we all have struggles throughout our lives.  

For sexuality issues, a great source is

All the best to you.

Gay/Lesbian Issues

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Reece Malone


I can answer questions on sexual orientation, gender identity, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and transsexual sexuality (youth and adult), coming out and disclosure, transgender and gender-non conformity including transition process, how to support a partner of someone GLBT, sexuality and faith/spirituality/religion, safer sex and harm reduction, comprehensive sexuality education, and questions from service providers working with LGBT individuals and families.


I'm currently a full time sexuality educator and facilitator specializing in sexual orientation and gender identity. I hold the positions of the Education Program Coordinator at the Rainbow Resource Centre (supporting LGBTTQ individuals, families and allies) as well as clinical sexologist at Four Rivers Medical Clinic in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. My roles include: sexuality education, counseling/therapy, media spokesperson and consultant. I have sat on several non-profit sexuality organizations as well as been a consultant to the World Health Organization/Pan American Health Organization as well as the Public Health Agency of Canada. For more information visit:

American Association of Sexuality Educators Counselors and Therapists, The Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality, The American College of Sexologists, The Canadian AIDS Information Treatment Exchange, The Canadian Professional Association for Transgender Health, The Sexual Health Educator's Network (Manitoba), The International Society for Sexual Medicine.

Malone, R. (2010). "ShoutOut Against Homophobia, Biphobia, Transphobia and Heterosexism." Rainbow Resource Centre. Winnipeg, Canada. Malone, R. et al (2010). "Your Questions Answered. Gender Identity in Schools." Public Health Agency of Canada. Ottawa, Canada.

Undergradate degree in sociology - specialized focus on human sexuality Masters of Public Health (Sexology) Doctorate of Human Sexuality

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