Gay/Lesbian Issues/An old memory !


I want to start :I'M NOT GAY !
Hello !
I don't have a real problem now ! I had in past soem times ago....
The summary is : When i was child ( 8 maybe 9 years ) i always go to a friend home becuase we were very good friends .
He is with 3 years older than me ! And one day when i was at him he had an weird idea but i was child so...He tell me to "rub his dick" like masturbate or something like that time i din't know what was that but...I remember that firstly i refused but in the end i touch his penis......It was horrible. Whatever he otuch my donkey with his penis ( it was no practically it was just a touch like you touch with your finger something ) .
After 4-5 years when was summer and i went to bed for sleep this memory came to y mind and i feel embarrassed and horrbile , very very bad....I talk to my father ( i don't say him that he touch my butt iwth his penis because i can't ) and we talk i explained him and after i felt released . I put this question on some sites beccuase i want to see if people say that what i do is is very very very bad ..even worse. But everybody explaned me that i was only a child and i should think about it . So i understand a lot of things . This memory is OVER !
Now i want to ask you something ?
OH yea i'm not a gay , here are thousands of reasons for me so let's not talk about it !
If i talk to people ( my father face to face and the rest on forums ) and i overcome this memory means that a enough mental strong for future right ?

Oh and should i tell to my father about touch my butt or it is ok now ?

Do you think ( as an expert ) that this is an memory that i should be wory about it ? Because everybody said that i was a child , if i was an adult i should make problems or go to psychologist but i was a child so i must understand by myself that what i did was bad but as a child it is ok ..

Thanks for sharing part of your history with me.

So from what I'm reading from your message is that you had an experience as a young boy that an older boy pressured you to do things that weren't comfortable for you.

This is a part of your history and part of your memories. Your history is something that you cannot change. Regardless of this other person's gender (male or female), it sounds like you were pressured to do something against your will. If that's the case, I'm sorry to hear that. No one should be pressured to do something that doesn't feel right to them.

In deciding to tell your father, you may want to ask yourself whether your father would be supportive of you and what would be the reason for you to tell him? If you know that he will have a negative reaction, you may want to reach out to a counsellor or therapist in your area who can help you work through your memories. I can't tell you as a professional if this is as memory you should worry about. Only you know that answer. It doesn't matter if it happened to you whether you are a child or adult. The fact is that this act was done after you refused. Whether you are a child or adult, doing something sexual after you saying no, is a form of abuse. It's important to talk with someone about how your memory effects your self-esteem and identity. If you don't talk about it with someone who is supportive, it can have a negative effect on you later in life as you form healthy relationships with others.

Knowing that you are talking about with others seems like the memory is already affecting you. I'm glad that you are not entirely keeping it inside. A part of mental strength is the ability to work through and overcome the effects of very difficult situations, not forget them or push them down.

I hope you find my response helpful.  

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Reece Malone


I can answer questions on sexual orientation, gender identity, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and transsexual sexuality (youth and adult), coming out and disclosure, transgender and gender-non conformity including transition process, how to support a partner of someone GLBT, sexuality and faith/spirituality/religion, safer sex and harm reduction, comprehensive sexuality education, and questions from service providers working with LGBT individuals and families.


I'm currently a full time sexuality educator and facilitator specializing in sexual orientation and gender identity. I hold the positions of the Education Program Coordinator at the Rainbow Resource Centre (supporting LGBTTQ individuals, families and allies) as well as clinical sexologist at Four Rivers Medical Clinic in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. My roles include: sexuality education, counseling/therapy, media spokesperson and consultant. I have sat on several non-profit sexuality organizations as well as been a consultant to the World Health Organization/Pan American Health Organization as well as the Public Health Agency of Canada. For more information visit:

American Association of Sexuality Educators Counselors and Therapists, The Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality, The American College of Sexologists, The Canadian AIDS Information Treatment Exchange, The Canadian Professional Association for Transgender Health, The Sexual Health Educator's Network (Manitoba), The International Society for Sexual Medicine.

Malone, R. (2010). "ShoutOut Against Homophobia, Biphobia, Transphobia and Heterosexism." Rainbow Resource Centre. Winnipeg, Canada. Malone, R. et al (2010). "Your Questions Answered. Gender Identity in Schools." Public Health Agency of Canada. Ottawa, Canada.

Undergradate degree in sociology - specialized focus on human sexuality Masters of Public Health (Sexology) Doctorate of Human Sexuality

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